The Gordon Family

Emily Alice

2012-01-22T11:27:00.001-08:00

I have so much to update and say but to not leave anyone hanging...Emily Alice Gordon arrived at 2pm Friday, weighing 7lbs 4 oz, 20 1/4in long. She is absolutely perfect and the day was absolutely amazing!! We are SO in love...

Truly there are not words to describe what we are feeling...watching our kids with Emily has been amazing...truly a gift from God! I can't wait to update all about our amazing day and the amazing delivery and all that was to follow but for now, I must soak up these moments that are already going way too fast!!

THIS is the day the Lord has made...

2012-01-20T03:03:00.000-08:00

Baby Emily will be joining us today, praise GOD!! Everything looks and is going perfect so far. I went to my appointment on Wednesday and I had made some progress but there was an area of scar tissue from the cerclage that wasn't moving out of the way. We decided to move forward with an induction to try and help ease that area away...I was about 2.5 centimeters dilated at the time. Well, Wednesday night/Thursday all day, I knew a lot was happening on it's own, we checked in last night and I was almost to 5 centimeters so we cancelled the meds we were going to use to help the scarring and we just tried to get a good night sleep so we could wait for our doctors to get here today. All is looking great, starting some antibiotics I need and then we are getting the party started!! Jeff and I are so excited, so peaceful, at a new hospital which is a breath of fresh air and nice to be somewhere totally different!! We can't wait to meet this new princess and the final completion to our incredible family!

Please pray for a peaceful day, an easy delivery and above all, a healthy baby Emily Alice to arrive!

Will keep you posted!

Katei

38 weeks & a room fit for another princess!

2012-01-17T12:50:00.000-08:00

I am 38 weeks and still going...I am excited to be this far along but getting really excited to meet this sweet baby girl too! I go to the doctor in the morning so we will see what she says!

Here are some pictures of her nursery, I love love love the way it has turned out, so different and unique..it is like a breath of fresh air!

I never thought I would say this but we can now be praying that sweet Emily would come into the world soon...we are all ready for her to arrive:)!

I am a 'normal' pregnant person...

2012-01-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

And loving it!!! Here I am 36 weeks, 2 days and headed to get my cerclage out!

Here are a few of the kiddos making their bears for Miss. Emily

I originally had the cerclage removal scheduled for Friday the 13th, for a few reasons but primarily because my sweet neighborhood friends were planning a 'sprinkle' for me to celebrate Emily! My friend Kate, the ultimate party planner and most amazingly talented friend I know has been talking about this since August when we found out we were having a girl (or close to that date:)!) I was so excited for this day for several reasons but mostly because when Tammie was pregnant with Katelyn, I attended showers but was not the pregnant one (so it made things a little different), we had what I know was a beautiful shower for the triplets two days before I delivered them but I can't for the life of me remember any of it, I either have completely blocked it out or was in labor already and can't remember the night. With Blake, I was too scared to do anything and waited till he was born to celebrate him! So not only was I so excited to be pregnant and feeling good at a baby shower, I have never celebrated a pregnancy with this group of girlfriends as we all became so close after the triplets and I was a hermit with Blake. Needless to say, I really wanted my labor to hold off and it DID and HAS!! We had the most amazing time and the details that went into this amazing shower were beyond words. I was not 'sprinkled' but showered with love from all of my friends and family, we received the most beautiful and unique gifts for Emily, it was amazing and SO much fun!! Here are a few pictures! I feel like I should post pictures of the nursery first but I will do that later, the theme was all around Emily's nursery which is all around this photo...

The amazing cake, the chicks represent our family and notice the three small butterflies, Kate even included the girlies on the cake - amazing!!

My awesome girls hosting the shower!

Of course, the bow station...the guests all made hair bows Emily, what an awesome idea!

There are so many more pictures that Kate took and much better pictures so check them out if you have time... http:andeverythingsweet.blogspot.com Kate is amazing and you will love looking through her blog!

I have been overwhelmed since Saturday with all the love and support from all of our friends and family...everyone who has been through all of this with us and the amount of excitement, love and prayers in which they all have towards our family is absolutely amazing. We are so blessed by our support system and how deeply everyone loves and cares for us.

Aside from that, I feel pretty good, I can't believe I am still pregnant! Tomorrow I am full term, 37 weeks and on Friday I am officially the most pregnant I have ever been!! Which is crazy exciting! What is exciting is that now I am filled with a calm and a peace that I have never experienced while pregnant. Now the cerclage is out, it is OK for my contractions to pick up and it is OK for labor to start and not stop...all my restrictions are gone, there are no more weekly shots in my bum muscles, there are no more nasty meds to keep things calm...it is just me and living life pregnant. I can pick my kids up for a quick snuggle, I can walk for some exercise, I can just be who I am and have peace and I am soaking it all up! Tomorrow morning I go to Dr G and I can't wait to see what happened since the cerclage has come out, have I dilated more, etc. I go in the morning and we will go from there...

Yeah for full term tomorrow!! For all who read this, thank you for your love, support and prayers - the messages, emails, facebook notes, etc. mean so much!

I can't wait to introduce the newest member of our family very soon!

Stitches are out...

2012-01-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well, we are back home and the waiting game begins:)! I wish I could say it was a piece of cake but the removal was horrendous. I was so proud of myself for enduring what I did and in somewhat of a calm fashion. Dr. K was amazing and while the first stitch was fairly easy, he lost the second stitch and had a time getting to it and getting it out. After the first stitch he talked about doing an epidural and I was thinking no way, I have made it this far let's just get this done. So I squeezed Jeff with all my might and we finally got it out. He couldn't go back to check any dilation, he said it didn't matter at this point where I was, there is some scarring that needs to break away so that will help her not to come as fast. I had to lay there and recover for a little while and then got on the monitor and all looked good. I came home to a hot bath and some tylenol and I am going to lay low today. I am so relieved it is over with and now we can just play the waiting game like any other normal pregnant person! I wonder when she will make her debut...I am SO excited now that that horrific procedure is over with!

Thanks for all the love and prayers this morning, it meant so much to me!! I will keep everyone updated as we go

A little change in plans...

2012-01-06T00:25:00.000-08:00

It is 3:30am and I can't sleep....

I went to the OB today and they decided to check on my cerclage, turns out I am dilating right through my stitches and they have to come out. I had everything scheduled a week from today (the 13th) but they have moved it to 8am in the morning. I told the doctor I wanted to wait another week to guarantee Emily another week but he said there is no difference in her coming tomorrow or next week. He said at this point the stitches have done their job and now they need to come out so it doesn't become an emergency needing to get them out. He did show me (on my belly!) where her head is and she is still not fully engaged but is head down. They called right from the office and Dr. K is meeting us early before his full day of appointments to get this cerclage out, we have to be there at 8am. I am anxious, scared, excited, ready and a whole lot more...I have no idea what to expect, they said labor could be anywhere from tomorrow to two weeks, there is no way of knowing how my body will respond to the removal. I am most anxious about the actual procedure itself as we are going to attempt this in his office with no epidural, he said if we couldn't do it, we will admit me and do the epidural but I would really like to put on my brave face and get it done in the office so I can be home. I remember thinking when he took it out with Blake that I would have died without my epidural but maybe this will be different. When he removed my cerclage with Blake I dilated to 1cm right away and in two hours I was 4 centimeters. I am already over 1cm now so we will see what happens, I am not even sure if he will check and tell me tomorrow or not. I know once this cerclage is out, I am going to feel so much relief from all the pain it causes and it will be fun to just be 'normal' and know if I start serious labor, it's actually OK. Right now my contractions still scare me as I fear going to long and my stitches tearing my cervix - so while I am anxious about the procedure itself, I know the relief will be sweet in many many ways!

Tonight we made a last minute trip to Build a Bear so Blake and Kate could make Emily a bear, they each picked one out and had a lot of fun, we did that with Kate before Blake came and she remembered and didn't want me to forget we had to do that. We thought just incase Miss. Em comes tomorrow we better get that done tonight! It was a fun night with the kids and we really have a fun weekend planned so we will see if our plans can hold up!

I appreciate any prayers tomorrow morning as we get through this procedure, that I am able to put on my game face and get through it unmedicated!! Also, that sweet Emily will come when she is totally ready and not a moment too soon for her!

AHHHH here we go..

Katie

We survived the craziness!

2012-01-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

One of our many trips to see Santa...

Santa again and celebrating Nana's birthday!

Kate and Haley celebrating Christmas together!

The Christmas Play at Meme and Papa's - love!

Our attempt at a family photo, the boys weren't feeling good!

Our house Christmas morning, before the kiddos saw what Santa brought, loved being home this year!

Waiting patiently!

So excited about his roller coaster

Love

Wow the past several weeks have been tons of fun but I am one exhausted mama! We had an amazing Christmas with so many family festivities and the kids had a blast. Our week leading up to Christmas was rough, somehow I came down with strep throat, two days later Kate ended up with it, then Blake and daddy was hit the day before Christmas eve...luckily we all got on meds as fast as possible and it didn't put much of a damper on our holidays! We kicked off Christmas with the Gordon's at our house, we spent the day eating, doing presents together and then heading to church for their Christmas service, we all had a great time. Christmas Eve is with my family, kicked off with a pajama brunch at my sisters and then arriving at moms house around 3pm. At my moms house all 13 grandkids (soon to be 14) perform a Christmas play that they put on with much of Meme and Papa's help - it is always so fun to see their personalities come out when they perform for all of us. Soon after the play, Santa always stops by on his way to deliver toys for the night, the kids love this and wait anxiously to hear him coming down the stairs! Christmas morning is at home with just our family and it was the most fun I have had on Christmas yet - the magic for the kids was amazing and so exciting! I wish I could bottle up these years so they would last forever! Kate and Blake had a sleep over and we heard them about 6:15 whispering to each other wondering if Santa came - precious! Christmas night was at my sisters with my dad and by the time we got in bed, I could hardly see straight! Everything was so much fun, so magical and so perfect! We are truly blessed to have so much wonderful family close by that we can spend these holidays with and while it is always so busy, it is so worth the traditions and the memories we all share! I have loved having Jeff home so much too, we were both nesting so our house is in complete organization and cleaned out to the max...I think we are officially ready for sweet Emily to make her appearance!

For New Years, we made a last minute decision after our good doctors appointment on Friday to meet our friends at the lake house to celebrate New Years Eve. The kids had a ball and here they all are ready for a movie and bed...they didn't make it till midnight but this preggo made it till 12:15 - yes I paid for it the next day but we had a lot of fun!

Enjoying the beautiful weather with our friends and excited about 2012!!

Baby Emily Update...

Update on me and baby Emily - first of all, how awesome it is January and here I am good and pregnant! Tomorrow I am 36 weeks and doing just great. I have had several good appointments over the past week. Dr. Korotkin has decided he is going to try and take my cerclage out in the office as opposed to in the hospital under an epidural, I may totally regret this but it will allow me to come home and try and labor on my own whereas with Blake I had an epidural for 24 hours from the removal and induction. I am getting the cerclage out a week from Friday so on Friday the 13th. There is no way of knowing if I will go into labor right away or if she will take her time making her appearance. I am excited and anxious for how everything will go but most of all, I just want this cerclage out as it hurts like nothing I can explain! I am trying to soak up these last few weeks of being pregnant and enjoy feeling Emily moving, kicking, growing, etc. but there is a part of me that just wants her to be here already! I am so excited to see her sweet face, to introduce the kids to her and just start our life with our family complete...I don't think it is going to hit me that we are going to have another baby here until she gets here - it truly seems amazing and unreal after our journey to get here! I am going to update more as we go in the next few weeks, I see a doctor on Thursday that could potentially deliver me if we choose to do an induction down the road so I am anxious to see/meet him as well as survive the next week and a half till this lock down comes out!!

So excited!

Katie

My little man turns 3 - and baby update!

2011-12-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

Friday December 3rd we celebrated Blake's 3rd birthday - seriously, he turned 3!! I can hardly believe it has been 3 years since we brought that little miracle into this world and being so far along pregnant again makes it seem like I just went through this! We had a fun birthday celebration at a little indoor place by our house, Blake loved playing with everyone but his absolute favorite part was his Dump Truck cake made by one of my dear friends Kate! Still a week later when you ask Blake what he got for his birthday he says, a dump truck cake!

Isn't that cake amazing, the 'dirt' was crushed oreo's and it tasted so good we ate every bite of it! Blake is crazy about anything that has wheels on it, he loves his cars and trucks! Blake and his cousin Gordon had a blast on these plasma cars!

We also played a little rock band, or pretended to...

Gordon and Blake couldn't be separated so we added Gordon to our family photo!

We had a blast celebrating Blake man and all the joy he brings us, what a blessing he is to our lives, his personality has changed so much over the past year, he is still a complete momma's boy but he is more outgoing, confident and personable than he was before. He is actually reminding me a lot more of his sissy as he gets a little older. I think he is still the sweetest little man I have ever met, he is a total lover and will lay with me on the couch all day if he can. All throughout the day he comes up to me or Jeff and says 'I love you mommy' or 'I love you daddy' out of nowhere. He constantly asks if he can kiss baby Emily and if he bumps into me at all, he immediately says "Sorry baby Emily". I just can't wait to see him as a big brother! So...here is to three amazing years with Blake and the blessing he is in our lives!

We asked Blake if we could go to the Christmas tree farm on his birthday and he said 'yeah that would be cool'! Kate was so excited and so was mommy, since we weren't in our house last Christmas we were SO excited to get our decorations out and get our tree! Here we are after eating smores, we forgot to get a picture by our tree we picked out! (PS I don't think Blake liked smiling at the stranger who was taking the picture).

Sissy loved her smore's

On Sunday we took Kate on a special mommy and daddy date and went to see the Grinch at the Fox, SO much fun and SO fun to see the excitement in Kate's eyes! We are officially in the Christmas spirit! I can't believe I am going to post this picture but I have to, it is so funny because it looks like my belly is going to take Kate right out...I am huge again! But here we are in front of the Fox.

As you can see, we have had a really fun month this far and believe it or not, I have been laying low a lot! After my last post, we were having a lot of trouble, pain and contractions and the doctors finally figured out I had a bad infection adding to the pain and the amount of contractions. I had a bad infection when I had the triplets so I was beyond relieved when they discovered this, this time it wasn't too late. I did a round of different antibiotics and things seemed to be better. This past weekend I did a lot and I felt pretty good. Monday I tried to stop the contraction medicine as it makes my blood pressure drop so low I can't stand it. However by Wednesday I was completely back on it, I had a rough night and Dr. G told me yesterday I have to take it around the clock right now, I do need it and I don't want miss Emily coming before January! I don't know what I think, I feel so much like I did at the end of my pregnancy with the triplets that I just keep thinking I am going to have her soon but my stitches are holding up good and that gives me peace, also I am over 32 weeks now and Emily is measuring two weeks ahead (just like Blake did) so we are going to be OK if heaven forbid I should go into full labor before she is good and ready! I am trying to take it easy but this is a busy season and anyone who has kids can understand that there is too much happening and too much I don't want to miss with Kate and Blake during this magical time with them. Most important, another week has gone by and I am still pregnant and every week now matters SO much!

Well, that was a big update so I am off for now. I am going to try and update more as I love reading back of the time right up till I had Blake - he will love that someday!

A screeching halt...

2011-11-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

I am just over 30 weeks pregnant now and while it's hard to believe we are in the homestretch...the homestretch arrived with a vengeance! I have been doing so well during this pregnancy, I have lived every moment of life just as I normally would, a far cry from how I felt with Blake. I have walked, traveled, taken both kids to Disney World at 25 weeks, gone out with friends, worked, shopped, played, etc. so I can't begin to complain about where I am now but last week things came to a screeching halt for me! I wasn't feeling as well as I had been when I went into my routine appointment last week at exactly 29 weeks. I was seeing Dr. G and I mentioned that I have been doing awesome but that just recently I wasn't feeling as well. She decided to check things and I was one centimeter dilated under my stitch so she decided to put me on the contraction monitor for a little while, just to be safe. I laughed and told her I actually wasn't contracting at all but we could do it for a few minutes and see what showed up...I was so wrong, I was contracting every few minutes. After about 20 minutes of this, she sent me over to the perinatal offices. Dr. K wasn't there so I saw someone else who said my stitch was still high in place and looked good so they gave me the contraction medicine and sent me home on complete bed rest through the weekend with orders to call if things didn't slow down or picked up in the meantime. I wasn't totally shocked but I was totally shocked...I mean I know how my body handles pregnancy and I know that I needed to slow down and I knew if I sat down long enough to think about it, I was contracting a lot BUT I didn't want to slow down, I didn't want to be laid up and I didn't want to be scared again, even for a minute. About 24 hours later, I wasn't better, in fact I had a pretty bad morning the next morning and both the number of contractions and the fear had me all worked up. I called the doctor and of course they decided I had to be admitted for observation...so we headed to labor and delivery where we did IV fluids, procardia and shots of terbutiline. The doctor was shockingly the same doctor that was on call when I went in fully in labor with the triplets and who stayed with us that night and the same doctor who was there when I went in with Blake so he was amazing. He reassured us that even if Emily was born that night, she would be OK, she would live...but I couldn't find peace in that, I know she needs many more weeks! The next day the perinatal looked at everything, my stitch still looked great and I felt so much better so he sent us home, letting us know the next 6 weeks are so important and every week really matters now. I was so glad to be going home and able to do the meds at home and I knew I had to take slowing down seriously, they reminded me that the reason I did so well with Blake was that I laid around from 20 weeks on:)! I had a good few days at home but Monday night I started having extreme pressure and pain, very similar to how my labor started with the triplets and at first I was trying to let it go and stay off my feet but Tuesday night I was up all night with this pain and pressure and I felt like something wasn't right so I went right to Dr. K Wednesday morning (I needed to see him anyways as he is my lifeline to my babies:)!). My cervix still looked good but he was concerned about the pressure and pain due to my last early labor starting this same way. He put me back on the monitor to determine if it was the contractions causing the pressure/pain or the baby moving and sure enough every time I contracted I had that intense pain. They gave me another shot of terb and watched things for a little while. He sent me home on a 48 hour dose of a stronger contraction medicine that you can only take for 48 hours along with the Procardia and to increase the procardia when this other medicine is done. Exhausting I know, it has been an exhausting week - both emotionally and physically! I took my last dose of that medicine this morning and I have had so much relief it has been amazing, I pray all stays calm for a few more weeks now! Jeff, my family and my girlfriends have been amazingly helpful so that I have actually been able to stay off my feet as much as possible, it has helped so much! This is such a busy and fun time of the year, I just want to be able to do it all, I am praying if I can lay low as much as possible, things will stay calm and I will still be able to participate and enjoy the Christmas season coming up, my kids are at the best age and I just want to soak up every moment with them. They have been so good, so helpful and so understanding of mommy suddenly laying around...luckily we are in the homestretch and worse case it's less then 5 weeks of this since they let me get off all bed rest, meds and shots at 35 weeks with Blake! Praying sweet Emily stays put and grows strong over the upcoming weeks, we all can't wait to meet her but not too soon!!

That's my update on the pregnancy, I am laying around all weekend and letting daddy be on duty before we get back into the school, work, activity and Blake's bday busyness of next week!

We did have a wonderful thanksgiving this year, I was exempt from cooking but I sure enjoyed eating all the awesome food!

My top things I am most thankful for this year:

My amazing husband and best friend who has and is taking such care of me, the kids & our life!

My babies - Kate and Blake, the girlies for what they have taught me & this amazing blessing growing inside of me!

My family, that we are all able to be so close, that my dad and Nancy finally live here and that I have amazing in-laws who add to the closeness we feel with my family!

My friends - my neighborhood girls who have brought me meals, come to visit, come to play and made this transition to laying around that much easier!

My home - this time last year I was wanting nothing more then to be back in my home, with my family settled!

There are just a few of my top ones...Happy Thanksgiving!

Celebrating your lives my sweet girls!

2011-11-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe today has been 4 years since I delivered those sweet baby girls, Emma - Kelsey and Lauren! In the past, the week leading up to this day has always been rather emotional and the actual day a little easier...I can actually say this year it has been all around easier. My heart has healed in an amazing way and while I will always miss the little lives of those sweet babies and what could have been with them, I am so blessed I can hardly think of anything else but our blessings and the ways in which God has orchestrated His plan for our lives! I am strangely thankful for the experience, if it had to happen, I thank God that it happened to me, that I can share my story with so many but more importantly that I can be a better of a mom because of it all...that I understand on a completely different level how fast it can all be taken away, that I know never to take one of these babies lives for granted. I look at Blake and think he would not be here with us and now watching my belly grow and so immensely enjoying this pregnancy, I know none of it would be if things hadn't of happened the way they did. Don't misunderstand me, I wish my girls were running around this house adding to the chaos of our lives, I would give many things up for their sweet faces to be here in our home...however, I believe whole hearted that God knew what He was doing and what He wanted our lives to look like! Kate has gotten more of her mommy and daddy then if she had added three sissy's to her life at 18 months, Blake is who he is because of those sweet lives that went before he arrived and sweet Emily would never be - how can I feel sad when His plan always prevails?

Today we are just laying around, Kate has been sick for 5 days with a fever, Blake is catching a cold and all of our weekend plans were cancelled - I am extra thankful for these children who are here with us and who change our plans at the drop of a hat! I start my third trimester with Emily this week, we have started putting things together in the nursery and my pregnancy is going so well so far that I can't even believe it is my body carrying this baby! I walk on the treadmill, pick up Blake when I need to and haven't slowed down at all...I am hanging out with friends, living life and not waiting for something to happen, I am just filled with peace about her arrival after the first of the year. We have our three balloons that we will send to heaven this afternoon, pink, green and purple of course and we bought some yummy cupcakes to celebrate and rejoice in our sissy's lives and to celebrate the blessing of our family!!! SO, Happy birthday to my sweet girls, thank you for all you have taught us and for the brief moments we shared with you!

All our love today and always,

Mommy, Daddy, Sissy and Brother Bear!!!

Almost past my major milestone!

2011-09-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Here I am at 22 weeks! (yes I am wearing the same shirt as I was

in a previous picture, no judging)

AHH I am not even sure where the time is going..which is a good thing but what is crazy to me is that I am just over 22 weeks (MY WORST WEEK in my mind) and I just had the busiest week at work and I didn't hardly stop to think - here I am! In two days I will pass the day I lost the girls which is amazing to me, what hides in the back of my mind as 'the' dreaded day is almost here and we are going to get through it with just perfectly! The part I still sometimes stop and really take in is that I know what this sweet baby would feel like in my arms right now, I don't want to feel her right now (in my arms) but it is amazing and mind blowing to me to know that feeling!! I do love feeling Emily moving and each time she does, I stop what I am doing and smile...I can't wait to meet her when it is time! Tomorrow I am actually going to the UGA football game with my good friend to see a bunch of my sorority sisters and I never thought I would do anything like that during pregnancy! With Blake I was such a hermit and didn't go anywhere or do anything! Last week I saw Dr. K and Dr. G, everything looked wonderful. My cervix was at 4, which is perfect and sweet Emily measured exactly where I am (not 24 days ahead like Blake did at this point)! Everything looked great and we were very excited! Kate and Blake are so excited, they talk to their baby sissy all the time and they ask me every other day how much longer till Christmas because they know she will be coming shortly after Christmas! I love that the kids are aware and old enough to really take part in this pregnancy, I love that Kate can feel so much a part of this and I love that her and Blake will know and probably remember a lot of this (especially Kate)! I love listening to her talk or sing to my belly and to listen to her dream about Emily in the same way that I do only as a child...it's beyond what I ever imagined I would get to experience with her! I love it all and I am immensely enjoying this pregnancy, which is what I asked God to bless us with this time around! I pray the rest of this goes as well as it has to date and that we can continue the overwhelming peace we have over baby Emily and my body being able to carry her to term!

Here are some awesome new pictures I took of my kids and my impromptu photo shoot! They are looking so much alike these days it takes my breath away!!

I had to zoom on my kids in this group shot, I love their natural looks and the only good one of B smiling!

Sweetness...

They look like they are solving the world together, sometimes I think they are...

My ALL time favorite, Jeff had this put on a canvas for me for my birthday!! Up close their profiles are precious and their sweet noses are touching...ahh I love!

Just over half way & sweet baby girl's name...

2011-09-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have hardly had any time to sit and blog so now I have 15 minutes before the bus arrives and I am determined to write a quick update on things! I am just over 20 weeks now and I am not sure where time is going but it is flying by...it is so funny how different pregnancy is with working and two kids at home. I think with Blake I laid around constantly worrying about everything I felt and didn't feel, with this pregnancy, I can't find five minutes to sit and think about anything! I had one bad day last week when I just didn't feel good, I hurt everywhere (hips, stomach, cramps, cerclage) everywhere, for a little while, it made me very nervous but the next day I felt really good again so maybe I was just having some growing pains! I actually have done a three week span between doctors appointments this time so I don't go till the end of this week which is crazy for me as I was seeing Dr. K every week at this time with Blake! I see Dr. G and Dr. K at the end of this week so I am very anxious to make sure my cervix and cerclage are holding tight, especially since I can't seem to sit down for 10 minutes a day right now! I am doing the weekly shots again for preterm labor and I think they are working, I still have Braxton hicks off and on but I am fully aware and expecting those at this point. I did try and walk a little for exercise last week but it hurt where my stitches are so bad that I could hardly make it home from my walk so I decided maybe I will just hold off on walking for awhile, maybe I will find some Pilate's or yoga where I can sit down and not have the pressure on my cerclage. It is amazing how much more confident I feel in my body being able to carry this baby to term, I even went shopping today and bought her some outfits and I am excited and ready to start putting the nursery together - such a different and wonderful experience this has been for me, I am so thankful for this amazing peace I have!

OK...The most important reason I wanted to write this post is for those of you who are and will be praying for the safe and healthy arrival of this sweet baby girl, we have a name!! Emily Alice Gordon, we love the name Emily and feel like we are using a part of sweet Emma's name and Alice is after my dear Grandma White who passed almost a year ago, Grandma's name had to be incorporated somehow and we love the combination of Emily Alice!! So Miss. Emily should be making her appearance around the time of Grandma White's birthday in January, wouldn't that be something...

Anyways, that's all I have for now, I will update after my appointment on Friday and post new belly pictures since we are indeed growing around here!!

Katie

Growing...

2011-08-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well here I grow...some belly pics to document this baby girl!

13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

I am feeling really good, tired but good! I have entered the "scary" time for me in pregnancy, week 16-24 are my weeks that I fear and the weeks that I want to fast forward through. I am already feeling some braxton hicks which as always I HATE but I just keep reminding myself this is my third pregnancy and it is going to be this way! I am hoping and praying that this pregnancy they won't feel as scary as they did with Blake. I was so neurotic with him, rightfully so as losing the girls was all I knew at the time. I do feel SO positive, SO good and much more at ease then I did with Blake so I think that alone will help. With these two beautiful babies at home, I don't have time to sit and stress like I did before! I started the shots this past Friday to help prevent some of the preterm labor and I am trying to find time to rest each day but so far there hasn't been any down time unless daddy is home, having two kids and working with this pregnancy is much different then with just Kate and no job! I go to Dr. Grogan Friday and Dr. K the following Friday so they are all watching things closely! All in all things are going great and I LOVE that we have found out we are having a baby girl, I am having so much fun dreaming about her and planning for her...the kids love praying for her and talking about their new baby sissy who will be joining our family!

Kate is doing awesome in kindergarten and tells me everyday that everything is her favorite, she bounces off the bus full of energy and tells me it is her most favorite school...I am SO glad she loves it!
Blake and I are enjoying our time together and he starts preschool a week from today, he will go three days and I am looking forward to him starting - he and mama need it!!

That's all for today, just wanted to give some updates on me and this sweet baby girl growing inside me!!

Katie

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-14T17:57:00.001-07:00

The cookies Kyleigh made for the big reveal party...and LOOK how many people were guessing BOY...

The box Meme and Papa's neighbor put the balloon's in...waiting to open the present!

Almost the WHOLE family was there to celebrate!

Blake and Kate opening the present (by the way I SO wanted to jump in and rip it open)!

The moment I saw the PINK balloons!

Kristie...

and Tammie...

the reason finding out Kate was going to have a sister left me crying with happiness!

So excited to add another princess to our family!

Looking at the picture that was inside the envelope, proving the baby was indeed a GIRL!

What an awesome day and what an awesome way to find out who is going to be joining our family! My emotions over the past 48 hours have been all over the place. First and foremost, I had a great appointment with Dr. K on Friday, the baby looked perfect and my cervix was long and closed (4 for those that remember how obsessed I am with the length of my cervix). I was telling him how great I have been feeling and he said, "you are so much better mentally this time, you are going to be just fine Katie"!! I start the shots to help prevent preterm labor on Friday and other than that, things are looking really good! My sweet sweet nurse who does the ultra sound spent so much time showing me the baby (without showing me the goods) and wrote it all in my card with a picture and sealed it all up! I took the envelope straight to my moms neighbor as I couldn't hold on to it any longer then I had! Knowing that I was about to find out the gender of this baby caused me some slight anxiety, I was feeling scared about the immediate connection I knew I was going to feel by knowing this baby by name and being able to dream on a different level about this baby. Even again today, I thought maybe I shouldn't do this, what if I am jinxing myself, what if I am setting myself up - BUT I had to push those feelings away because NOTHING is going to let my fears ruin this pregnancy, I am determined to enjoy this, I need to and I AM! The other emotion I was scared and excited about was if this baby was a girl...and IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know how much I would be impacted by the reality that this was a girl but I could not hold it together when those three pink balloons came flying out of the box and although not planned, I noticed that there were three...I feel like I get to experience carrying a girl this time, a sissy for Kate and Blake that prayerfully isn't going to go to heaven but come home with us. This baby will be a fraternal "twin" of the triplets since it was technically fertilized at the same time as the girlies and Blake and I feel like I am once again being blessed and reminded that they are here with us through these sweet babies and through these amazing blessings from God! The other excitement of this being a baby girl is that my sisters are my ENTIRE life, they are the wind beneath my wings, the very best friends I have in this world, they are what complete me in many many ways. Obviously Tammie brought Kate into this world for us and Kristie was right there with her doing all she could to bring a baby into this world for us. We would lay down our lives for each other and I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude that Kate can now have that with a sister here on earth since she wasn't able to have that with sweet Emma, Kelsey and Lauren. I also LOVE that Blake is going to be my only boy, he has his mama's heart like no other and he is the perfect only boy and will be the perfect middle child in our family. I could not have prayed or asked God to orchestrate this any better, His plan once again brings me to my knees in complete awe of the amazing things only HE could do, I am beyond thankful and beyond excited for what this sweet baby girl is going to bring into our lives...I can only imagine!!!

Kindergarten...are you kidding me?

2011-08-11T17:17:00.001-07:00

The night before Kindergarten and Kate wanted to make homemade pizza for dinner, here is the chef all ready for dinner and early bed!

Well today was officially the first day of school and this mama is exhausted...Kate on the other hand has been bouncing off the walls since she got off the bus, I think she has finally crashed! I was up off and on from 4am till 5:45 then I fell asleep and we all overslept - go figure! We got up and Kate came bouncing in my room all excited for her day. We made cinnamon rolls, got dressed in her new school clothes and woke brother up to head to the bus! Kate was so excited that I was actually just really excited for her! The bus stop was full of excitement and Kate was pretty quiet, you could tell she was a little nervous but mostly excited! When the bus came and she peeked out the window and blew me a kiss, I had to turn around so she didn't see my brief tears! We waved goodbye and headed home. When I pulled Blake's stroller into the garage he said 'k mommy let's get in car and go get sissy now', I laughed so hard, sweet baby was a lost soul without his sissy here all day! I baked some banana bread and pink sprinkle cupcakes for my princesses first day of school, then I paced the house waiting for time to meet the bus. When the bus stopped Kate came bouncing off the bus with the biggest smile on her face and said she had so much fun! I said what was the best part of your day and she said "Everything mommy"!

I love it and I can't believe she goes back tomorrow, this new schedule is going to take some getting used to, these are LONG days without sissy around!

Here are some great pictures of our morning...

Katelyn 5 years old and all ready for her first day of school!

Her backpack is as big as her!

Walking to the bus with daddy!

No fear, all excitement!

This is when she blew me the kiss and I had to turn away from her!

Day 2 tomorrow, I am going to miss hanging with this sweet girl everyday, I swear I just brought her home from the hospital!

Tomorrow is Dr. K to check the baby and my cerclage and if all goes well tomorrow, Sunday we will reveal baby Gordon's gender:)! Our plan is to have the nurse write down the gender in an envelope and give it to my moms neighbor who will then go get pink or blue helium balloons and wrap them in a large box. At my mom's back to school cookout with all our family, we will have Kate open the box and see which color balloons come out!!I can't wait and I have NO idea what I think...boy or girl??

Amelia 2011

2011-08-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

Our 22nd annual trip to Amelia Island...Picture frenzy and I wanted to post so many more!!

Wes, Blake and Jac - the boys!

Kyleigh, Lily and Ellie taking Blake into the waves!

Sweet Lily loving on Kate, always loving on someone!

Mama and her beautiful babies!

Hanging on the beach!

Kate celebrates her birthday in Amelia every year, our sweet 5 year old!

Riding the waves...no fear!

Love this little man, so full of himself these days!

Daddy and his princess!

The sisters!

Hollywood...

Kate, Jenna and Ellie, three peas in a pod!!

We had another amazing trip and thankfully it was right before my surgery so I enjoyed lots of swimming, walks on the beach and playing with the kids before baby lock down! I can't believe next year we will have another baby with us!!

I am feeling better, much better actually. It was a long week and I have been very sore from the cerclage but I am starting to feel better! I go back next week to Dr. K to check everything out and I will be 15 weeks...still debating if I want to find out who is in there:)!

A long day but we made it!

2011-07-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

Wow yesterday was a long day! Jeff and I arrived at the hospital at 8:30am to have our nuchal scan (this is the scan that shows any chances of something significant being wrong with the baby), the baby looked great and my chances are 1 in 10,000 of anything major being wrong. After that, I had a quick preop, went to register at the surgery center and got the party started. Once I had my IV and was laying in the surgery center, Jeff and I just hung out. Around 11:50 they came to do my epidural, I was thinking this was really last minute as I knew Dr. K was going to be ready at 12:00 sharp and sure enough...they said it was time to go back and I was like seriously I am not numb at all! They kept telling me I would be by the time we got back to the operating room. Well, I was able to move myself from the bed to the operating table so I was like hello I am clearly not numb, they said they needed to give me another dose of the epidural (thank you)! Then they started getting everything ready to get started and I screamed as I could feel everything. Dr. K said she is not ready, put the mask on her...they said they had just given me another huge dose to give it a minute but the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was over. So I guess they decided to let me go to sleep for a little while and really it was so much better, I HATED laying there so conscious while they did it all last time. Right when it was over they gave me some great stuff so I wouldn't throw up, with Blake I threw up after the cerclage for about 7 hours straight. SO, all was going really well. About two hours into recovery the epidural still wasn't wearing off at all and I couldn't wiggle my toes so they had to send me to extended recovery and they told us it could take up to 6 hours. So Jeff and I were moved upstairs and about 5 hours later, I could finally start moving my toes. When I was good enough to get up and walk to the bathroom, they said I could go home. When I got up, I was really lightheaded so they made me wait 20 more minutes. I felt better and walked again and was fine (I wasn't going to tell them if I wasn't as I was dying to get home). They said I could get dressed, they would listen to the baby and I could go home, as they were about to discharge me, I started throwing up - so they made me get back on the IV and wait another hour - it was becoming comical at this point! So finally at 10pm last night, we got home and I got settled in my own bed! I am resting and doing well. The cerclage went great and the baby did great, as of last night the heartbeat was around 154 and strong movements so we couldn't ask for more! I am SO happy this is behind us, the first of our important milestones! The baby is officially on lock-down prayerfully till mid January! I follow up with Dr. G on Thursday and Dr.K on the 8th!

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

Katie

Prayers for tomorrow please

2011-07-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is a big day for us and for the baby! I have my nuchal scan at 9am and as long as all looks well with the baby, my surgery is scheduled for 12:00pm. Luckily we just got home from an awesome week at the beach so I haven't had a lot of time to think and process through it all but tonight, I am really nervous. Please pray specifically that the nuchal scan shows a healthy baby, that Dr. K will be well rested and peaceful as he goes in to perform the surgery, that the baby is a fighter and stays strong through the surgery and recovery and that my body handles everything as it should! I have help all week and should be able to be up and about by Friday! Last time I spent one night in the hospital but I am coming home tomorrow night which will be much nicer and much more peaceful!

I will update when I can and will post awesome pictures from our beach trip!

Thanks for the love and prayers for this baby!

Some exciting news to share...

2011-07-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought I would say this but here we go again!!!!! I have been bursting with excitement and itching to blog about this exciting time in our lives but I needed to wait till it felt completely right and it finally does! We are 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant and everything looks absolutely perfect so far! We have had 6 ultra sounds and the baby and everything with me looks great, one beautiful baby and one strong heartbeat! I still think it is so surreal that I am pregnant and that Jeff and I may actually end up with three living children here, it just seems so amazing and so beyond what I can comprehend! I knew about 6 months after Blake was born that I wasn't done, that I really wanted to have another baby. Maybe it was the added fact that we had 9 embryos left over and waiting for us but I just couldn't shake that strong maternal instinct in me that really wanted to do this again. Jeff on the other hand, he wasn't quite there when Blake was 6 months old:)! I tried to talk him into it, I tried to tell him how great it would be but then a good friend said to me, "Stop talking to Jeff about it, pray about it and pray for Jeff's heart to change" she said if it changed then it was from God and supposed to be for our family. SO, I did just that and on our anniversary this past February, at the end of our crazy adventure of a year, Jeff told me he was ready and he wanted to have another baby! I was so excited and so sure we were doing the right thing. The weeks leading up, going back to the doctors and the reality of all we had to face sometimes felt daunting to me but I couldn't look at that, I had to focus on the end result (looking at these two beautiful babies I have) and I knew there was NO way I was letting those embryos go without giving it my all to bring another baby into this world. We did, however decide together that we could only do one more round of In-vitro both financially and emotionally, so in talking with our doctor we decided to thaw out all 9 embryos and put the very best back, praying that God would make it really obvious and that there wouldn't be 5 or some crazy number that looked good. Thankfully, God proved His control once again, we arrived for our transfer on May 17th and two perfect embryos were the only ones ready to be put back. We put them back and prayed like crazy that the strongest would stay...9 days later, we got our first positive test (after three negative tests, but who is counting)! So here we are!!! I still can hardly believe we are pregnant again! We told the kids and they are so excited, Kate is just beside herself and has been so sweet. I never knew how much she understood about her sisters until the first night after we told her, I was putting her to bed and she asked if she could sing a song to the baby. Of course I told her yes so she gets down by my tummy and sings "please sweet baby don't come out too soon, please eat a lot of food and grow really big but please don't come out until you are ready to live here with me instead of with Jesus, I love you baby" - YES I cried my eyes out listening to her, amazing heart that little angel has! Blake, well, he just thinks the baby is in his tummy! Love their hearts and personalities right now!

As far as our plan, we will follow everything we did with Blake. We have met with Dr. K, twice now and he said why mess with success. My surgery to have my cerclage put in is July 25th, a week from Monday. When we get through that, I will feel a huge relief as with anything there are risks involved...clearly we all feel the risks outweigh the alternative. Again, I have the best peri in Atlanta and I feel 100% confident in his care for me and for us. From there, it is one week at a time and each week and each milestone will be a blessing. We are so excited and so much more peaceful as of today then we were at this point with Blake. I think we both feel more confident in my body being able to carry a singleton, we also know God is in control and all we can do is what we can do and from there it is out of our hands!

I hope to blog about this as I did with Blake, I read back during his pregnancy and what an amazing journal this is for him to read someday! We would appreciate all your prayers for this baby and that he/she makes it full term and able to come home with us and live with us, we know how incredibly blessed we are with our two angels here and the thought of adding another little miracle to our home is beyond amazing! God is so good!

A busy spring!

2011-05-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Before I get started let me tell you that my cousins had their kidney transplant. Sara gave Molly her kidney and all went so perfectly! You can read the whole story at mollyvincent.blogspot.com thanks for all your prayers!

We have had such an awesome and busy spring, we are back home settled and SO happy, I can't put into words how 'misplaced' I felt during our little adventure. It was a sweet relief to get back home. We replaced all the floors and it feels like a new home again...our renter also took immaculate care of the house so I can't complain! We didn't tell Katelyn we were coming home that weekend so my girlfriend just brought her over and she was SO excited!! Her room is all back to the way it was with all new girly furniture and of course a princess canopy over her bed. Blake was moved to a different room and we did his big boy room, it turned out adorable, I need to take some pictures to post but I love it! He loves his big boy bunk beds and sleeps so well in his big bed. It was interesting besides little changes to come into a house and know where everything goes...much easier to move in! We of course had a ton of help from our friends and family.

Since we have moved back, Kate played her first softball season, graduated from Pre-K and has been registered for kindergarten - how does it go so fast? Blake is talking non-stop and has become quite the social little man in comparison to a few months ago. We have joined the YMCA and he loves it there, he goes into the childcare and begs me to go everyday...this is the same kid who threw himself on the floor when I took him to MMO in the fall, the same one who I called the pediatrician and said 'something is wrong, Blake can't talk at all'...we now beg for a moment of silence from him:) !

Jeff and I are so relaxed and thrilled to be back home and settled with our family again, we have learned a lot and grown a lot in the past year so we have no regrets on our adventure and we know it was all a part of God's plan but we are happy to be home again. We celebrated Easter with Jeff's family at our house and loved entertaining here again! We also just got back from a trip to Boston and had the best time together, loved being in a completely unfamiliar city together with no kiddos and no agenda. We loved Boston and all the history there, I could have spent another full day there but I was maxed out on my time away from the kids. I have tons of exciting stuff to update but for now I wanted to post some new pictures!

Home Again!

Graduation from Pre-K!

Playing in the backyard!

Our Softball Star!

Ok, I will be back soon with lots more exciting things from the Gordon family!

Prayers Needed!!!

2011-03-10T14:17:00.000-08:00

For all who read my blog, please add my cousin Molly to your prayer list immediately! Molly has a horrible kidney disease and is waiting to see if her sister can give her a kidney, in the meantime her kidneys are completely shutting down, she has been admitted to the hospital and needs to be strong while they finish testing my other cousin...Molly has two young girls and needs to make it through this and get better as soon as possible for those sweet girls, please pray for her and her family!

Molly's story is at:

http://mollyvincent.blogspot.com

Part 2 Disney!

2011-02-28T18:56:00.000-08:00

Really there are too many pictures, I wanted to post them all...here are some more of my favorites!

Hollywood Studios Day 1

Waiting for bus to head to Magic Kingdom for the first time ever!!

Mommy and Kate's favorite ride, we rode it over and over again and I am not sure who laughed harder!!

The girls dancing with Donald, everyone thought they were twins (I don't know why)!

Marry Poppins

The dudes, too cool in their Mickey shirts!

Watching the parade together

Oh what an amazing trip!! I can't wait to do it all again...in a few years!

Disney World Part 1...

2011-02-10T04:07:00.000-08:00

Bippity Boppity Boop - Getting ready for the breakfast at Cindarella's castle

Kate and Haley - the princesses!

With Rapunzel and Flynn Rider

Meeting Cindarella

Blake wouldn't even look at Snow White

Dancing with Snow White at the breakfast!

Ariel with the girls!

Trouble...

The Fairy Godmother

Mickey and Minnie with the fam

The boys on the magic carpet ride

Me and Kate on the ride

The castle at night!

Waiting for the fireworks with the boys!

Epcot on the last day!

Ok more pictures to come but here was the first round...bippity boppity and the breakfast at the castle was my favorite day and of course Kate's favorite day! During the breakfast Kate looked at me and said "mommy I can't believe this day is here, this is the best day of my life"!

To catch up or not to catch up...

2011-02-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

I have been starting posts over and over for the past few days trying to decide where to start from and where to begin again...I decided to make it a brief catch up and start from today! Jeff and my world has been somewhat upside down for the past 7 months as we took on an adventure to move into an apartment in the city back in July. In brief, we become a Cares team for the company I work for and moved closer to Jeff's work. We were placed to build community in an apartment complex in the city. Where Jeff and I thought, what better timing to go and do this, our kids are young, not in "real" school, we can save some money, rent out our home and try a different life style for awhile - we couldn't have been more wrong! We lived in a beautiful community, met lots of great people and tried some thing new and different for us and for that I am proud of us. However, living in a high rise with two dogs, two kids, a cat and a husband who travels ALL the time is NOT a good idea, especially when the community is all young professionals and you are the only one's with children, young children at that!! I became so busy with my real job, my role as a Cares team at the apartment and everything else we had going on that I could hardly see straight - I felt I was no longer a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, or even a good person to myself - nothing, I was drained beyond words and I couldn't function. The day I felt my kids suffering from my insane schedule I realized we had to stop, Lord knows we worked WAY too hard for these babies for me to be in this position where I can't put my family first! Needless to say, we stepped down from that role and are currently staying with my parents until our renter finds a new home and we can FINALLY go back home where we need to be right now! There is so much I would like to say about this adventure, so much we learned, so much we grew and so much we gained but I am going to leave it at that for now! Maybe more as time goes on...for now, we anxiously await for our renter to accept our 'incentive' to leave early and pray she finds a new home FAST!

In spite of that crazy 'adventure' life has been really going well, we are absolutely in love with our stage in life right now! Our kids, their ages, their personalities and the complete joy and happiness they bring to our lives right now are beyond even the best words I can think of. Katelyn turned 4 over the summer and I am watching her grow into this confident, strong willed, beautiful, full of life, smart and happy little girl. She is the light of my life, a glimpse of an angel that I am in awe of...her questions, the way she challenges me, the spunk in her and her intelligence are just a few of the qualities I am so in awe of. I am totally in love with this age and can't believe she is wrapping up her preschool life this year and will go on to kindergarten in the fall! Kate loved the first month of our adventure in the apartment, she thought we lived in a hotel but as time went on, she missed her friends, her school, her cousins being over all the time, our kid centered life basically. Kate loves living with Meme and Papa but asks me and Jeff everyday when we can just go home and while it is completely breaking my heart, I know she will be Ok as soon as we get home and settled again. Blake man just turned 2 and I still don't know where the past two years have gone. Blake is completely opposite of Kate, he is slower at everything, shy, quiet, cautious to an extreme and not as social as our little princess. I love how different these two are and love experiencing life with two completely different personalities! I had Blake in Mothers Morning Out when we lived at the apartment, the experience was tough on him, he cried so hard everyday we thought they were going to make me pull him out but he did come around and I think liked it there a little bit. We did pull him out when we decided to move Kate back to her school and come back to my parents. Blake had a really hard adjustment with the apartment and we really believe it was because his mama was so stressed and overwhelmed. The day we moved into my parents and my stress level went down, Blake became a new child and has really blossomed being 'home' again. He is back with his old babysitter while I work and he is SO in love and SO happy there. I think this is exactly what he needed as much as we did! Blake is still not talking very well, we are working on this and trying to determine if he needs additional help with his speech but I think it is more that he is all boy, much more quiet then his sissy and trying to figure out our crazy lives!

Anyways, that is about all I can do for updating/catching up and since I love this blog for my own 'scrapbooking' reasons, I had to add all that for an update! Here are some pictures to catch up...a brief view of the past 9 months.

Katelyn's Pinkalicious 4th Birthday!

Kid's First Day at New School Fall 2010

Watching the UGA Game and Nana and Bunka's

Blake's 2nd Birthday at Play

At the Pink Pig with my two favorites

Christmas Morning at Meme and Papa's waiting to see if Santa came

Ok now I feel somewhat up to date...my next post is all about Disney World since we just got home and I know (Erin) many of you are waiting for the photos!!

So good to be back to blogging!

Coming back...stay tuned!

2011-02-03T12:17:00.000-08:00

February 3rd today and I have been working on my post...stay tuned I am coming back to the blogger world...I wonder if anyone will even check this anymore:)!

Ballet and Broken Bones!

2010-05-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Here is Katelyn's first ballet recital, it was possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen! She was so proud and wouldn't stop smiling at all of us as she pranced around the stage!

My little princess
Now on to the broken bones...

My rough and tough little man...there is truly never a dull moment in my world...is there in any mother's world, probably not! Little B is in a cast from his hand to his shoulder thanks to two broken bones in his left wrist...what happened you may ask - I have NO idea and I mean that wholeheartedly! I spent two days trying to figure out what was wrong with him, that mother instinct in me told me it was something I couldn't see but I could NOT figure it out...after hours of watching him being miserable, I started to really check him out and thanks to my neighbor who is a nurse, we ended up at the Children's Urgent Care!

Sweet little guy hasn't missed a beat!

Stilll able to mow the lawn

Showing off his booboo:)!

Hopefully he will only be in the case till June 1st, the pool just opened and we are ready to be out there swimming!

Nashville Weekend!

2010-04-26T17:38:00.000-07:00

What a weekend we had...Before I get into my post here are Kristie and I finishing together...only because she didn't feel well otherwise she would have beat me by a few:)! I had to steal this picture from the marathon photo people so it isn't a good quality but the only proof I have that I did this and really finished. I was dying from how fast we ran so there wasn't even any cheering as I crossed, I was too intense!

We had an amazing weekend in Nashville this past weekend...after my last run I decided to see if any of my college girls would run another half with me and three of them committed - Lisa, Karley and Erin. It was a hard 10 weeks of training, I was so busy with work, life and the kids and truly I was getting tired of running so much! Two 1/2 marathons back to back were a little tough. I worked hard though, my goal was to be able to keep up with my sisters who were also running and who beat my last time by about 14 minutes...I trained at a faster pace and I was so determined to beat 2 hours, my last time was 2:07. The weekend was perfect, Friday we got up early enough that we weren't rushing around, we hit the expo, ate some Mexican, checked into the hotel, showered and carb loaded at Maggianos. Friday night none of us slept, we were anxious, nervous, excited, etc. We got up at 5am and geared up for the big run, luckily our hotel was in front of the starting line, it was perfect. The run was really tough, a lot of hills and just a little tougher then the Atlanta. I started strong with my sisters but fell back a little after mile 4...turns out we all pretty much finished together though. Around mile 111 I caught up with Kristie and I was so excited to finish with her but once I got to her she was sheet white and I am pretty sure was about to drop. She told me to go on but I wasn't about to leave her, we walked for a few minutes and she told me I had to keep running, to pull her to the end, we stopped again around mile 12 and then she said she could do it, I couldn't focus on anything but making sure she didn't drop so I just kept running slower with her so we could get to the end. We saw the finish and she told me to sprint so I did, she pretty much fell into the medics station...once she sat for awhile she was OK but it wasn't a good run for her, I don't know what happened, she is the one who pulls me through all the runs. I called Tammie to see where she was, figuring she had been waiting on us and she was crying because she got on the wrong path and ran a mile into the marathoners course...she was so bummed - at the time it wasn't all funny but now we have all had a good laugh about the craziness! I beat my goal, in fact I beat my last time by 15 minutes and finished at 1:51:59 - I was SO excited!! I never imagined I could run that fast for the whole thing! I was so proud of everyone, everyone did so awesome and had so much fun! I am thankful the rain held out for the race but was so bummed that the tornado's moved in immediately after we finished so we didn't get to enjoy the festivities afterwards, instead we laid around in our hotel most of the day!

Here is a recap of our weekend in pictures...I wish I could say I won't do it again but I will...just not this year!

Here we are at the EXPO!!

Carb loading at Maggianos

My sisters right before we left that morning!

The girls right before we left!

Right when we got back from the race!

Getting ready to go to dinner...the White girls!!

Yes, we are as tired as we all look!

What a fun fun weekend, I wish we could do it all again!

Big week ahead...

2010-04-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

We have had a great April so far, it started out with an awesome annual trip to Perdido Key with my good friend Erin and her two kiddos, Hannah and Wesley! This year was much easier with the babies being a little bit older and the kids had a BLAST!!! Here are some great pictures of Kate and Blake, who by the way, LOVED the sand!

Aside from our fun beach trip, I have been working a lot and getting ready for my half marathon that is this weekend in Nashville!! I am so excited to go and so proud of my friends, Erin, Karley and Lisa who are running with me - they have all trained so hard and we are going to have a blast! My sisters are also both going and a group my my sisters friends so we are going to have a fun girls time away (well, fun after we run that is)!! I am looking forward to the race but also ready for it to be over with...all this training and two halves back to back has been a lot of hard work and time consuming! I will keep you posted on how we do and do plan to have some good pictures from the weekend!

Jeff and I had an amazing weekend at a marriage conference this past weekend! I love those moments that remind me what an amazing husband I have, I am blessed beyond words!

Anyways, I just wanted to give a quick update and ask for your prayers this weekend as we travel to Nashville and complete the race!

Here I am...

2010-03-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

If someone could get into my head and write my posts for me, I would probably blog once a day...at least three times a week! With work, sick kids, life, running and being a wife, I can't find the time to sit and write like I want to. We have had a brutal winter with being sick and I am SO ready for the sun to shine and the germs to CLEAR the heck out! Blake is getting over bronchitis that turned into pneumonia and I am getting over a massive episode of hives and bronchitis myself right now...it's been so bad my boss suggested maybe there was mold hidden in my house:)! I believe we are all on the road to recovery now though and I am crossing my fingers that the warmer weather is on it's way here to stay! Life has been busy, exceptionally busy lately...which doesn't help my strong hearts desire to SLOW it all down! Katelyn is getting so big, I love every minute of this age with her! She is learning so much, exploring her world, her Independence and is so smart! I feel like I have a little buddy around me all the time with her big girl questions and her hearts desire to learn so much about this big world! Kate is the best big sister to Blake and loves that he is starting to interact with her so much, I love watching the two of them and they still take my breath away when I watch them. Sometimes I look at them playing, sleeping or just exploring and I wonder how someone who has children can possibly not believe in God...only He could create something this AMAZING!
Blake is getting SO big, I want to freeze this age with him! He is almost 16 months old, he is walking everywhere, has the sweetest personality, is the biggest mama's boy and has me wrapped around his little finger. Kate did everything so early and so fast and Blake is the polar opposite, I love how much longer he is staying a baby and how slow he takes in the world around him. Blake weighs 22 lbs 15 oz and is 31 inches long, his head is actually on the chart now, just in the 98%...he has a lot of brains! I am so looking forward to the spring and summer with the kids, I think we are going to be outside as much as possible!
Work is going great for me, I have really gotten a good balance with working and being a mommy - something I couldn't balance without my amazing husband who really helps me to take care of everything around here! I love the work that I am in, I love the relationships that I am building and I love how each relationship is changing my life in ways that I never imagined. I am extremely blessed to have the job that I have...one that allows me the freedom to be a working mom and have a truly incredible life balance! I am training for another half marathon...I think I already wrote about this but I encouraged a few of my college friends to run with me and they are doing amazing! We are running the Nashville half in April and I am getting really excited. Finding the time to run has been difficult in this nasty weather so hopefully it is going to warm up for the end of this training. My sisters are also running this half so it will be a FUN girls weekend in Nashville! I think I am officially addicted to running, I told Jeff it is my therapy, my escape and my alone time, tomorrow morning I am going to conquer 10 miles all on my own and I am excited about it!
Jeff is doing great too, he is busy with work and traveling some! I surprised him with a ski trip for his 30 birthday and he is so excited about that! I can't wait for him to have some guy time and to have the break from work and from us...it's good for everyone! Jeff is having so much fun with the kids lately and he is the best daddy!
Here are some new pictures, this is the most important part...My girlfriend Ashly took these amazing pictures! I am going to update this blog more often, I PROMISE!

Our family!

My sweet Kate

My little man!

I will be back soon, promise!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

Happy new Year to all my blogger friends! Yesterday was such a great day spent with family...we even made it till midnight to toast in the new year. I have been a little sad this week, missing my girls more than I can put into words - something about the passing into another year makes my heart long for my girls in a way that I can't figure out how to put into words. I reflect back on the passing year and think of what an amazing year we have had BUT still there is this HUGE hole that can't be filled back up - I am starting to believe that nothing will ever be able to fill it back up. Believe me, my heart is filled with an overwhelming love and gratefulness for my two living children - words can't express how incredibly thankful and blessed I feel and I never want anyone to mistake the pain of losing my girls for an ungrateful heart. I thank God daily for the children I have but I still ask him daily "why" - which I know is a question too large for me to ask, understand or accept...still the first thing I do when I wake everyday is think of their faces, long for them and ask why. With each passing year I fear that more people have forgotten my girlies, their memories, their incredible souls that filled Jeff and my hearts in a short few hours the way my other two children have filled my heart in the past one and three years. I still sometimes stop and wonder how I have survived this horrific nightmare of losing my children - then I remember God is SO amazing, He has carried me when I couldn't walk and I know He is my savior - for that is HOW I have survived!

Sorry for the deep thoughts, I needed to reflect on my girls today - to honor them with this passing year and to pray that as I always do that each year my heart will continue to heal!

Happy New Year! 2010 is going to be an amazing year and I can't even wait for each day that I am about to get to live with my best friend and two amazing babies!

Much love and prayers for an incredible 2010!

2009-12-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

I never understood it when people said they were completely overwhelmed and crazy during the holiday seasons, I never understood how they were so worn out, I never understood all the chaos...I never have had two children, a job, a house, animals, etc. to take care of on top of all the planning and shopping for Christmas! It was the most wonderful overwhelming season I have yet experienced! Katelyn was a blast, so into the magic of the entire season and so into the excitement - for brief moments I even believed in Santa again! We had an incredibly fun and busy month filled with holiday celebrations, visits to Santa, the Pink Pig, Santa parties, the school program, Christmas Eve brunch with my family, Christmas Eve at my moms, Christmas morning here and Christmas Day with Jeff's family! Now in two more days we will have Christmas with my dad and Nancy and I can't wait for round three! Unfortunately the week of Christmas both Blake and Kate got very sick with strep throat (thanks to sweet Kate who desperately needs her tonsils out)! Blake man was hit very hard with strep as it is very rare for babies to get strep, he threw up, had fevers of 103 + and was just miserable. Unfortunately and fortunately, Kate has had it so much she barely missed a beat. Kate is scheduled to get her tonsils out January 8th, when I went for the consultation at the end of October I wanted more reassurance we needed to do the surgery, since November 1st she has had three weeks total off an antibiotic - she is now on the strongest antibiotic she can be on that will hopefully get her to Jan.8th, we go tomorrow for her preop. Anyways, the illnesses didn't damper the season around here - we had a blast, Blake didn't feel better till Christmas Day but he still had a good time! The kids handled all the chaos well and they had so much fun! I am so thankful this season for all the blessings we have had - what an incredible year this has been for us! Here are some pictures of Christmas around here!

Blake finally opening his presents on Christmas Day!

Kate's reaction to her American Girl Doll that Nana Gave her - priceless!

(my favorite picture ever)

Christmas Morning by the tree!

Kate's make up table that Santa brought!

Visiting Santa

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Happy Birthday to the other man in my life!!

2009-12-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

One Year Later!

I still go into Blake's room almost every night and pick him out of the crib, I snuggle him close and rock him for what is never long enough...during that time I pray for him, thank God for him, for the loss/hole that he fills back up, for the gift of him after such a tremendous loss! The other night I went in there and thought "whoa he is not a tiny new baby anymore, he is ONE"...how is that possible? Blake is my sensitive little man, my gentle giant, my sweet sweet momma's boy, the little boy that I dreamed I was going to have since the day we started the surrogacy journey. Blake is polar opposite of his sissy at this age, she was in a hurry, independent, determined to do everything like a big girl...Blake just soaks up being taken care of, he is in no hurry to learn to walk, refuses to drink from a sippy cup, won't let me (or daddy) leave his sight, wants to be held, makes a huge mess when he eats, loves being dirty, hates the bath, doesn't like large crowds, is as sensitive as they come, etc. I love their differences and I love experiencing each child - what a blessing they are to me!

One year stats - 30 inches long (50%), 22lbs 13oz (50%), head continues to be off the charts:)!

We had a fun birthday party at my moms house, Blake didn't like the crowd and wouldn't let us put him down but it was a HUGE crowd and that is not my little man's personality at all! He still did a good job, loved his cake and when everyone left, loved his presents!! Here are some pictures...

The Birthday Boy

(he doesn't like the hat)

Blake's Smash Cake

The cake my friend Kate made - it tastes as amazing as it looks!

http://andeverythingsweet.blogspot.com/

Too many people looking at me!

Happy Birthday Blake Kel!

What this meant to me...

2009-12-01T05:54:00.001-08:00

Let me tell you a little about my running life...or lack thereof. I was never a runner, always a walker as a matter of fact I really hated running. But this also comes from a childhood accident that was so severe they took me back into surgery telling my mother they were going to amputate my right leg...At 8 years old I fell off a snowmobile and broke every bone in my right leg with a compound fracture (which means the two lower bones came out of my leg). I also fractured half a kidney. I spent hours in surgery where my mom begged the doctors to do anything they had to do to save my leg. I came out with four pins, a rod and in traction where I spent the next four weeks in a hospital bed with my leg hanging in the air. I spent the next four months in a complete body cast, 8 months after that in a leg cast and another year in a brace. I have had 27 reconstructive surgeries on my right leg alone and three on my left leg as they had to break my femur bone in high school to try and correct the right leg even more. Needless to say...I never really thought I could run, I just thanked my leg for being as strong as it was. When I lost the triplets my sister Kristie really encouraged me to start running, I was so full of anger, hurt and sadness and I think she knew it would somehow help to heal me. So I started running...I could barely run a mile, I had to take breaks. After several weeks I got up to two miles, Kristie and I met at my clubhouse, talked, watched the morning shows and ran. I once ran three miles by myself without stopping, I thought I had run a marathon! Then I knew I wanted to try and get pregnant again so I stopped everything. I laid in around for 11 months to make sure my body was ready and that I wouldn't lose the baby due to too much activity. I thought people who were pregnant and working out were insane, I was too scared. After I had Blake, I decided to start running again to try and lose some of my weight. Kristie again was there to encourage me to get going. When I started working and went on the annual retreat, everyone was talking about the marathon they had ran, the challenge that Stan had given them for the past year. My friend Jill told me I should run a half marathon, Kristie had already been talking about the Thanksgiving Half and I had it in the back of my mind. SO I half heartedly thought...I will do this, maybe I really can do this. So I just started running...then I heard both my sisters, my brother and my sister in law were going to do the Thanksgiving Day half and I said, I have to do this! I pulled up the training schedule and delayed starting it as long as I could. I ran, two to three miles when i could. Over the summer I tried to run with my sisters on our weeks vacation, I couldn't even run three miles, really hardly two without walking and I was dying...they ran circles around me and I thought I can NEVER do this. But I kept going. We started meeting at the greenway for our Saturday morning runs and in the beginning I was dying, I could never keep up and I wanted to quit the whole time but as we got closer, it got in me - mentally I was preparing. Over dinner during a date night, Jeff mentioned he would love to do something like the half marathon someday and I jumped on it...I spent three days convincing him to do it with me, I knew if i never did it again I SO wanted us to do that together. So he started training...we complained some, had many many days we didn't want to run and didn't run the full schedule we were following. But we kept going. During some of my runs, I cried, I actually thought is my leg going to be OK, will it hold me up, will I hurt myself...yet how amazing that I am really going to do this - then it became mental for me, the challenge was hard, the hardest physical thing I have done besides give birth to Blake. Thursday morning we woke up at 4:45 am, got dresses in our layers, ate our power bars, met my sisters and brother in the pitch dark and walked to our corrals. I was nervous beyond words, I didn't know if I would run the whole thing, I didn't know how fast and i didn't know how my leg would do. My goal was 2:15 - 2:30 and I knew I could do close to that. My sisters and brother took off, they had a faster goal and I couldn't do it. I ran the first 9 miles alone and then Jeff caught up, we ran the last 4.1 together and it was the most amazing feeling. I wanted to stop around mile 10, the hills on Peachtree street were brutal but I was too far into it and my adrenaline kicked in. I couldn't believe it, I was about to finish. Each mile Jeff and I somewhat smiled high fived and said 3 more, 2 more, 1 more...we can do it we are there! We passed my step father and Kate who were cheering us on at the end, we saw the finish line and sprinted together, we finished at 2:07 - beating our goal and finishing together - it was AMAZING and such an incredible HIGH! I had so much fun and was so happy we did it!

Picture the photographers took while I was running.

But here I went...from this...(excuse the awful picture, you can see my body cast under my shirt this was the most i could sit up for four months)

To this...we did it!!!

I said I would never do it again, I was never going to run again...I have already ran again and I can't wait till my next one, I will do it again!

It was...a perfect day!

2009-11-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

It is hard to believe that my title of the post of my girls 2nd birthday could say, it was the perfect day...but it truly was. The anxiety of the day, the same as last year, was the worst by far. But the week started out beautifully when in my staff meeting I was surrounded by prayer and love to survive the week. When Friday rolled around, I was sure I would be miserable all day, that the pain would surpass everything else. Instead I woke up Friday morning and did my furthest run of 10 miles with my sisters. I cried on my way to the greenway, it was a beautiful morning, the kind of morning that I ALWAYS look up and want to jump through the clear blue sky to see my babies, to just hold them one more time. I read some sweet emails and texts and felt surrounded by my friends and support system. I got a little crabby as the run was about to start but I just decided "here I go"...the 10 miles was the best, hardest and best run I had done to date. I stayed a little behind my sisters, actually ran most of it alone but I loved the time...I prayed, talked to my girls, prayed thanks for Katelyn and Blake, for Jeff, for God allowing my marriage to not only survive but thrive in the midst of the tragedy we faced. I prayed for my sisters while they ran ahead of me for the private and individual things I knew needed praying for. I praised God for where I was at that moment and asked Him to continue to love my babies as I know He will. When we finished our run (and I could barely walk), Tammie, Kristie and I hugged and Kristie said a beautiful prayer for me, Jeff, the babies and our amazing God. We got a coffee and went about our days...I cried most of the way back to my moms and couldn't get back to my kiddos fast enough. But somehow inside I was happy, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and love...I pulled into my house from getting the kids and there were my girls - my sweet sweet friends who were waiting to plant flowers and be with me. We planted the flowers where we would see them when we pulled into the driveway and they gave us a beautiful stepping stone that we can put the girls names on. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon...they left and Jeff got home. We released the balloons, ate some cake balls and spent some time together as a family. That night we met our sweet friends out for dinner and drinks to celebrate Allison's big 3-0 - we decided we would just go on for the day and we did...we survived! I am glad it is over with but I am so thankful for the love that surrounded me...here is a recap in pictures.

Maddie and Kate planting the flowers with Allison

Sweet little man hanging out
Kate ready to send the balloons to her sissy's!

All smiles as we sent our birthday wishes

Happy Birthday Emma, Kelsey and Lauren - we love you!

The crystal clear day allowed us to watch the balloons for SO long!

Happy Happy Birthday my sweet baby girls!

2009-11-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Emma, Kelsey and Lauren,
As I did last year, I have to write your birthday letter to you tonight, not tomorrow because I know that I won't get through it tomorrow. So I sit here tonight wondering how it is possible that two years have gone by, I still see each little detail in each of your faces as clear as if I just laid you to sleep in your cribs. I feel like I just met you, just heard Emma's little cry and just felt my arms so full with the tiny weight of each of you in my arms. I feel like I just looked over and saw your daddy rocking all three of you with tears running down his face and the deepest sadness I have ever seen in my life. I feel like I just said good bye to you, just let them take you out of my room for the very last time...yet somehow it has been two years. The intensity of the pain has not lessened for me, will it ever, I don't know. I know I can get through my days much easier, I can be happy, I am happy, but there is that huge hole, that loss in my heart that will never be replaced. I found myself pleading with God again yesterday begging Him to tell me why, to help me understand why He needed you more than I did, why He couldn't have let you stay here with me. Then I had to stop and remember you are in the very best place and you will have a second birthday party more magnificent then anything I could have ever planned here for you...still I selfishly want you here with me. I have spent many moments alone this week wondering what each of your sweet faces would look like today, what each of your personalities would have been like, how busy and overwhelmingly wonderful our lives would have been this year. I wonder how incredible your big sister Kate would have been with each of you, how much she would have loved to run and play with you girls, how much I know she will miss by not having her sissy's here with her throughout her life. Kate has this amazing love for you, as if she knows you aren't here with us and should be...every time she tells me she loves Blake she says "mommy, do you know how much I love brother", I say "no baby, how much" and she says "up to the sky where my sissy's are and all the way back down here mommy, that's how much"...every time she says it my heart hits the floor and tears fill my eyes. We all love you beyond our comprehension, beyond any words we can possibly say.

I have spent many days worrying and wondering how to spend tomorrow, how to celebrate you three, how to make sure I celebrate "good enough" so that you will know the depth of my love and how much I miss you...the celebration part has brought me to tears so many times this week as my sweet sweet girl friends have continued to ask "how can we help you celebrate, what can we do for you on Friday"? I kept saying, I really don't know...then this morning I was walking and talking with Ashly and she made a good point to me - grief has no right or wrong way about it, each person's grief and each day are going to be unique to how you are able to handle it - I know that tomorrow will never be what I want it to be, it will never be the three of you running around here laughing, playing with your friends and cousins, opening presents and eating cake...it will never be the celebration I want and long for it to be. We will eat cake for you tomorrow and tomorrow will be what it is going to be but no matter how hard I try and prepare and dictate what I am going to feel or do, I can't because I just don't know how to celebrate my babies who have already gone to heaven...I never will know how to celebrate that. So instead, I will take comfort in my friends and family tomorrow. I will wish with all of my heart that you three were going to be here when I wake up and I will immediately think of your sweet faces, I will celebrate you three the best way I know how until I can someday be with you, holding you in my arms. Until then, I will go to bed tomorrow night disappointed again because somehow the day won't be what I thought it should be, it never will be what I think it should be...

I do know that we will rejoice a little extra in each other tomorrow, we will hold each other a little tighter and we will thank you for teaching us to cherish every single moment that we do get to have together!

Ok, don't forget to look for your balloons tomorrow girlies, we will send them before it gets dark this year, your sissy can't wait, she already remembered we have to get Lauren a lavender one, Kelsey a green one and Emma a pink one!

I love you sweet baby girls...more then you will ever know. Here is the most amazing song that makes me cry for you each time I hear it...Happy Happy 2nd Birthday! With all my love always and forever - mommy

Heaven is the face of a little girl With dark brown eyes That disappear when she smiles. Heaven is the place Where she calls my name Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile.” Chorus: God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more, But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for. God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door. So right now... Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep, Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing. And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms, Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more, But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door. Bridge: But in my mind’s eye I can see a place Where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, Every mouth is fed, And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, And there’s no more goodbye, And no more not enough, And there’s no more enemy (no more). Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone. Heaven is the place where she takes my hand And leads me to You, And we both run into Your arms. Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream. It’s far beyond anything I can conceive. So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see Heaven in the face of my little girl, Heaven in the face of my little girl.

Halloween 2009!

2009-11-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

Love this picture, my little princess wouldn't go anywhere near the messy pumpkin, next year Blake will have it smashed all over the place!

Finally we are all going trick or treating together (the past two years I was on bedrest and sat in a chair in my driveway while Jeff and Kate went)!

The cutest puppy dog ever, Nana made the costumes of course!

My sweet tinkerbell all ready to go!

I hope everyone had as much fun as we did on Halloween this year!

Picture time!

2009-10-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

I am so overdue for pictures...first the kiddos and this FUN Halloween holiday, Mexico pics later...

This is what I found during nap time today...can you believe how big he is...where did my baby go?

Kate and I at Farm day at school today!

Posing this morning before we left!

Our trip to the "Pumpkin Patch" didn't really go as planned...we made do.

Proud mama with her babies!

I hope everyone has an awesome Halloween and that the rain GOES AWAY!!!

October...really?

2009-10-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well is has been a busy but good couple of weeks, Blake man got his tubes and literally came out of surgery a new baby! He started babbling all the time, saying mama and cruising on furniture - I think he got his full hearing and balance back immediately! The surgery wasn't bad, the worst part was putting him through a breathing treatment before it and then watching him come out and try and wake up. I literally ripped him out of the nurses arms because I couldn't stand seeing his body that way, no head or body control. He cried awhile but settled down pretty soon after he started eating a bottle. I am glad it is behind us! I am still training for the half marathon, I didn't give up as I have wanted to, I actually paid my online registration and bought the most expensive pair of running shoes I have ever bought - there is officially NO turning back now! I love my long week-end runs, Tammie, Kristie and I (my two sisters) meet at the Y and do a long run on the new greenway by us. Last week-end we ran 8.2 and then went to Starbucks for our favorite Pumpkin Spice Lattes - I hate getting up early and going but I love the time together, even if I am ALWAYS a quarter mile behind them watching them do circles around me:)! They have been running a lot longer so I don't feel bad. Mid summer I couldn't even run three miles with Kristie at the beach so I have come a long way.
This tends to be an emotional time of year for me as we near the second birthday/loss of my sweet Emma, Kelsey and Lauren. Last year at this time I was SO scared and this year I am so overwhelmed with my blessings and the amazing ways in which God had it all planned out for us...Tomorrow we head to the pumpkin patch and I am SO excited about this little venture...for those of you who have read my blog - the pumpkin patch last year was the day I ended up in the labor and delivery with preterm labor...I believe a hayride at 31 weeks with high risk pregnancy is not a good idea. I remember being SO scared that night and the days that followed and all I could think was God please let me have a healthy baby to take to the pumpkin patch with me next year, I begged Him and I can't wait to hold my sweet baby Blake with his sissy while we enjoy a hayride tomorrow! God is SO good! I am so incredibly attached to my babies and could just melt every time one of them is in my arms...

SO...this coming week is causing me a lot of excitement and mommy anxiety as Jeff and I are heading to Mexico with three other couples (The Marsh's, Rivenbarks and Harrison's) for a long over due adults only vacation! I am so excited but really anxious about leaving my babies behind! We planned this trip over a year ago, while I was still early pregnant with Blake. We had to make sure nobody was pregnant, nursing or had too young of babies to leave behind:)! All three of these couples went to college with us and lived on the same street in our first houses/neighborhood. We are going to a new all inclusive resort in Cancun and I am SO excited! I keep telling myself that Jeff and I need this and we are better parents when we reconnect and have some adult time...I will be fine when I get there, it is the leaving that is always so hard.

Anyways, lots of fun stuff! I will definitely post pictures tomorrow after the pumpkin patch adventures!

Katie

A long month...

2009-09-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

September has been a really long month for us! It literally started out with two sick kids and here we are at the end of September and we aren't much better off...Blake started the month with a double ear infection (his 5th since May) and he still hasn't gotten rid of it, he is on his 28th day of antibiotics and we go for his surgery on Wednesday morning to get tubes put in. I have been so sad for him because he has been really miserable. I am dreading Wednesday, no matter how routine the procedure, no parent wants to see their baby put to sleep! I do know how much better he will feel as soon as it is over with so that part I am ready for, Blake has been on an antibiotic every month since May and they have never seen his ears clear! We did have his hearing checked and he seems to be at the normal range, I was really worried as my sister has partial hearing loss from her ears as a child. Kate started the month out not feeling well and ended up having this horrendous strep throat that she could NOT get over. We went to the doctor three different times for Kate and spent two different days in the doctors office doing breathing treatments, x-rays and blood work thinking maybe it was something else but it appeared to just be a really bad strep throat. She did three different antibiotics and finally got over it, it was really sad, she was so down and out! All of this and of course I was going to get something...so on my 30th birthday I spent the evening at the urgent care and ended up doing two rounds of antibiotics myself for strep - I was beginning to think we were all just going to pass these sicknesses back and forth until finally last week everyone seemed to be feeling better! Blake is actually doing a lot better today, he has been on breathing treatments three times a day leading up to his surgery and he seems so much happier, he was wheezing really bad last week so the breathing treatments should get him ready for Wednesday, they will cancel if he is wheezing at all! I also took Blake to his 9 month check up in the midst of all of this, we actually went last week (he was almost 10 months) but he was 20lbs 4 oz (50%), 29.5 inches (90%) and his head was off the charts:)! He was perfect (besides his ears and allergies)! He is crawling everywhere, only loves people food and is as rotten as they come - loves to be held! I can't believe he will be 10 months this week-end.
So...besides our sicknesses, we continue to be very busy around here! Jeff has been traveling some, work for me has been busy but good! Kate likes school, the few days she has been and Blake loves the lady who watches him while I work! We have also done some huge home renovations around here, we ripped up our entire main floor (except the kitchen tile) and put in new hardwoods, I love them, they are a distressed wide plank wood and they completely change the way our house looks! We got a new couch, new bedroom furniture and are looking for a new entertainment center...it has been really fun, somewhat like moving to a new house!! I will post some pictures when I get a chance. The bedroom furniture was a complete shock to me, Jeff completely surprised me with the set we had looked at months ago - he had it delivered and all set up on my birthday and I was so shocked, I love it!!

One last thing...if I post it, admit it and tell the world then I can't back out - Jeff and I are training for the Thanksgiving day half marathon and I so want to quit right now because I feel so exhausted...but we are going to do it! I have 9 weeks to go and a lot of running to do, wish us luck!!

I will post some pictures soon! Please pray for Blake man on Wednesday and for my kids to stay healthy for awhile!

Katie

So so much to say and post...

2009-08-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

OK, preschool has started, I have set some boundaries with my job and I am getting back into the groove of a routine...I hope so anyways! This summer was SO busy but so much fun, it is amazing to me that it is already pretty much over. Shortly after my last post we celebrated Katelyn's 3rd birthday, I can't believe I have a three year old. We had the best birthday party ever, Snow White showed up and I have never seen Kate so in awe of anyone in her life, she still talks about Snow White coming from the castle to her house. This lady was amazing, she sang all the songs in the most amazing voice, painted faces, made balloon animals, did tattoos and magic shows. The kids were completely captured. I had so much fun watching everyone and it was so easy for me! On Katelyn's actual birthday we were in Amelia Island for our annual beach trip with my dad and step mom, it is the most relaxing trip and we have a blast every year, it is 10 adults and 8 children all in one condo - we love it! Kate liked the beach a little better than last year but was terrified of the ocean waves so we really spent more time at the pool. Blake could have cared less where we were, he was happy as a clam just hanging out with everyone. He loves the pool and was happy to play in the water and nap in his stroller, it really was perfect for the kids. While we were at the beach we were SO excited to find out that Jeff got a new job with Home Depot, he has been interviewing for awhile now and accepted a position as a Project Manager in Supply Chain, he really likes it so far and it was so fun to celebrate while on vacation! So...since we got home, we have both been crazy busy with work and getting back into our routine. My job is going awesome, I love working again, love the people I work with and love working again! Katelyn started school on Monday and so far I think she loves it, she seems to be really excited to go. It always takes me awhile to get used to her being gone again, Monday I paced the house for awhile waiting for time to go and pick her up! She has some great kids in her class and her teachers seem really nice, she goes three days a week so it is a good balance for us. I plan to primarily work the days she is in school and not work Tuesday and Thursday so I can focus on the kids and spending quality time with them with play dates and activities! Blake is doing great, he is getting SO big and I can't believe next week he will be 9 months old!! He is getting so close to crawling but he hasn't mastered it yet, I am OK with him not moving, Katelyn walked three days before she turned 9 months but I don't think he is anywhere near that and I don't want him to be there yet. I did have Blake's allergies tested and he does indeed have a dairy allergy, thankfully it is very mild and he should grow out of it, it is hard to watch all his food but we are learning as we go! I simply can't get enough of my kids and their sweet sweet personalities...I think it is working again and being more busy that makes me so much more in tune with the time we do spend together, or maybe it is just their precious ages and that I am more relaxed and at peace then I have ever ever been in my entire life. I simply wake up every day thanking God for my life, these babies and the blessings He has given to me - I keep asking myself is this really my life? I was walking down the stairs the other morning and both kids like to be held so I put one on each hip and down we go, I saw my reflection in the wall and it took my breath away, that was me - with my arms full - I never thought I would be there and here I am. Daily I am reminded of the overwhelming gratitude and peace that fills my heart. I still miss my Kelsey, Emma and Lauren everyday, every minute I wonder what they would be like today - but that unbelievable pain has somewhat healed and in it's place is just the sweet memories of their faces, Emma's whimper and the way their sweet bodies felt in my arms. My dear friend had a baby last week, after suffering a horrendous loss a year ago delivering her sweet baby boy at 39 weeks stillborn, last week she delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl! I was able to be with her throughout the entire day, the labor and everything. When the proud daddy came out to tell us it was a girl, I went outside the hospital to call Jeff, my mom and sisters and I sat on the bench looking over to the same door they wheeled me out with my three boxes on my lap instead of my three babies and I sobbed, I cried so hard for my loss, for her loss and for the incredible blessings we had just a short year to two years later - I will never understand completely but God has truly provided in a way that only He can. I walked back into the hospital and was able to go into my friends room to meet this sweet baby, I looked first at my friend and saw the same relief and renewed spirit that I felt when Blake was born...it was amazing to witness and healing for me in more ways then I can describe! Only those who have suffered through losing a child/children could possibly understand the depth of those emotions. So many prayers were answered last week!
That is a brief catch up from me, I am seriously going to start blogging again, I miss it - even if nobody reads it, I love it!

Here are some pictures, they aren't in order, I was too tired to do that tonight...:)!

Katelyn's first day of preschool!

Blake Kel in the bath!

My sweet babies before church

One of my favorites of Blake at the beach!

Katelyn's birthday with Snow White!

Kate, mommy and daddy

(Check out the cake my friend made, check out her blog - http://andeverythingsweet.blogspot.com/)

That is all for tonight!

Finally some time to post!

2009-07-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

I finally had some time to sit down tonight and catch up on every one's blogs...sorry I didn't have time to leave comments but I am up to date on all my blogger friends. Jeff told me he doesn't think anyone reads my blog anymore:) I can't imagine why...I can't find the time to sit and blog like I used to. The summer has been amazing and so busy, I am so in love with my life, I am so thankful for my babies and my husband, Jeff and I have had so much going on our entire marriage that I feel like we are finally getting to sit back and enjoy the moments. I just thank God everyday for where we are and what we are so blessed to have.

I have fallen in love with another man...his name is Blake! Nobody told me how amazing it would be having a boy and a girl. I never imagined I could love another child like I love Kate and my girls and then comes Blake - how does one's heart have this much love? Amazing! Blake is doing awesome, he is getting so big so fast and we are loving watching him grow and discover everything. He is completely sitting up on his own, he grabs for all his toys (and puts them directly into his mouth), he rolls all over the place and is trying to scoot to his toys! He has two bottom teeth and two more on the way. He loves his johnny jumper and could jump all day in there! Blake absolute most favorite person in the world is his sissy, he loves Kate so much and lights up the minute she walks in the room!

And for my sweet Kate...she is doing wonderful too, my sweet angel baby is going to be 3 a week from tomorrow! I can't even believe it! I am not sure where the past three years have gone! Kate does act like she is 5 years old and blows me away with the things she says to me. She is starting to give up her nap which makes me SO sad but I know she is ready, she is sleeping so much better at night the days she doesn't nap and naps are primarily a battle for me to get her to be quiet and stay in her room, so I am pretty sure I have given up on the nap. Kate's new thing is that she is so into pretend play and she plays house all day long, it is so funny to listen to her talk to her babies the way I talk to her and Blake. I can't believe how grown up she is getting and I love spending time talking with her, she is so amazing to me and teaches me so much everyday. She certainly makes me stop and enjoy the moments with her.

We have had a busy month, July is a big vacation month for us. We spent the 4th of July in Cashiers North Carolina with Jeff's family and had the best time! It was gorgeous weather and a very relaxing time. Kate had a blast with her cousin Haley and Blake and baby Gordon had a great time too! We leave for the beach a week from today and will spend 8 days with my dad, Nancy, Chris and sisters...it is always a relaxing and fun time for everyone. I am looking forward to the time away with our family, away from our crazy busy lives here at home! My new job is going wonderful, I love it and feel so blessed to be working for such an amazing company and not having to be away from my kiddos full time - God is so great!

I have to run but here are some awesome new pictures from the past few weeks!

Sissy and Blake playing in the grass!

Nana and Grandpa's Clan!

Blake and mommy on the boat

Adults night out!

Sweet little man!

June...

2009-06-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

Wow things have been really busy around here...as usual! I just got back from a 4 day retreat with a new company that I am going to be working for! I have been anxious about accepting this job as I haven't worked since Kate was born but all of my anxiety was lifted during this 4 day retreat with the company. It is the most wonderful company/family and God has really led me to this place in my life. The company is called Apartment Life and we place Cares Teams (a married couple/family or singles) that live in the Apartment complexes and build resident retention as well as a strong community feel in the apartment complex. I am going to be an Area Director here in Atlanta and will manage/work with 11+ Cares Teams in the Metro Atlanta area. I am SO excited about this opportunity. Apartment Life's corporate offices are in Texas so I am going to be able to work primarily from home except for when I need to meet with my teams or managers. It is truly the biggest answer to my prayers right now and I am excited beyond words! With all of that excitement has come a busy month of travel for me, as I mentioned, I just returned from 4 days in Texas and it was the longest I have ever left Kate and definitely Blake so I was dying to return home last night and see them! I have been so lucky with the help of my mother and mother in law during these times I have to travel. I will spend this week here in Atlanta with the current Area Director then it is back to Dallas for three days of training in their support center. Once this is all over with, I won't have to travel so that will be nice, I am not good at leaving my kids - I could never travel for a living! Both Kate and Blake did awesome while I was gone, they loved the time with their Nana and Meme. I do think they were both as excited to see me as I was to see them last night though!
Besides the new job, things have been going really well! We had an awesome vacation with the Mullvain/Bullock/Grosvenor families over a long week-end at the lake. Let me paint a picture for you, it was 12 adults and 12 children (the oldest was 9) all in one house for three nights/four days and we had the best time! We all live very close to each other but to have the time away from life and just to all be together was so much fun! I loved that all of our kids were able to be together and create memories like that too. Kate went tubing behind the boat with Jeff and me and loved it! She was a little afraid of the boat when it left and arrived at the dock but other than that she did really well. Blake was as easy going as they come, he continues to be such a good baby! We did just suffer through another round of double ear infections and will have to see if they come back again...during the ear infections he cut one of his bottom teeth and the other is about to pop through, so he was miserable for a few days. He is sitting up on his own and is just getting so big, I can hardly stand it, he changes so much every day!
All in all life is going really well for us right now...it is amazing to me how content and how at peace I feel, finally...after so many grueling years of infertility and wondering/praying about how it was all going to turn out, if only I could remember in those trying times that I am not in control - God had a plan so much bigger and better than I could have ever imagined!

Here are some great new pictures from our trip and at home!

Kate, Jeff and I on the tube!

Blake and Avery playing in the pack n play! Look at those cheeks on Blake!
Sassy hanging out on the dock!

Blake loving to swing with his sissy!

Where has May gone?

2009-05-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

Once again things have been really busy around here...I am coming to terms with the fact that things are not going to slow down! Blake will be 6 months next week and I am still coming to terms with that. We had his check up already because we had to get his ears rechecked and everything looked perfect! Blake was 17lbs 9 oz and 26 inches long! He seems to be doing better on the soy formula and we have been doing baby food, shockingly he doesn't love his food but he is getting better. Blake continues to be such a good baby, he rarely cries and has fallen into a very easy schedule for me, I couldn't ask for anything more. Each day with him is so exciting as I feel like he is learning so much right now. I can hardly soak it all up, the time just goes way too fast! We had Blake baptized a few week-ends ago, the service was perfect and Blake was an angel. We had the service at the church where Jeff and I got married and where we had Katelyn baptized so it was perfect! My mother in law made Blake the most adorable outfit to wear and he was a complete ham! He just chilled while he was walked around the alter and didn't make a peep, when they handed him back to me he fell asleep in my arms and slept till the service was over, I couldn't have asked for things to go any smoother! Here are some pictures of the big day!

Kate just finished her preschool class and had a great year! We will really miss her teachers and friends but I hope she will get to be with some of her friends again next year. I have Kate in a summer school/camp for the next four weeks with one of her friends from our neighborhood, they had their first day yesterday and I don't know who loved it more...mommy or Kate! I prefer having a routine with Kate and she prefers having something to do so really the summer camp works in both our favors! She will also get to do a gymnastic camp in the middle of July with her cousins, she will love it! The same day as Blake's Baptism we had Kate's gymnastics ceremony and she was adorable, here are some pictures! She loves her gymnastics class and is really pretty good at the routines they are teaching her.

Jeff just got done traveling for four weeks in a row for work, home on the week-ends and it was a huge adjustment for me. I am spoiled by having a husband that doesn't travel and I think I prefer it that way! It was a good busy four weeks but I have a huge respect for women who do it all by themselves all the time...I definitely realized what a huge help Jeff is around here with the kids! I am glad that project is over and there is no more travel in the future for him right now! We have a busy summer with several family trips planned, two lake trips and one to the beach so we are looking forward to all the fun activities! I am going to find more time to blog, I swear I will!

Trying to keep up...

2009-05-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

Wow things have been busy around here! The month of May is just going to be a complete blur for us as we have a million different things going on. Jeff is traveling A LOT for work this month, we are heading to my brothers college graduation from Iowa State (without kiddos), Blake is getting Baptized, my dad and step mom are coming for a visit, school ends...need I go on? What makes me sad is that I want time to slow down so much and I know the next several months are going to fly by with all the summer plans we have! Yesterday Blake turned 5 months old and I can't believe it has already been 5 months, I never thought it was possible but the second baby goes even faster than the first! We have had a long week around here because both Blake, Kate and myself haven't been feeling well. I actually took Blake to the doctor Friday to make sure it wasn't the formula bothering him and to my complete surprise, he had a double ear infection and bronchilitis! I knew he wasn't feeling well but he is so happy, I had NO idea he was so sick, he didn't even have a fever! His chest congestion was getting bad and he wasn't eating much so I should have known better...after he turned out to be so sick I decided to have my mom get Kate at school and meet me at the Pediatrician to make sure she was OK (she had been feeling/looking worse to me) so she brought her in and sure enough, Kate had her first strep throat! I felt like mother of the year, I had no idea! Oh well. The next day I went in and got on the Z pack, I am certain strep throat was settling in for me too and I don't have time to be sick right now! Needless to say, I was really happy when Jeff got home Friday night from traveling all week and I was even more happy to have his help over the week-end as both the kids seemed to be suddenly really feeling the effects of their illnesses. Besides that things are going really well.

Blake is also doing great, we have had a time with him over the past month in regards to his allergies. It turns out the scare we had with him was more than likely from a dairy allergy. When I started trying to add some formula, he broke out in hives all over his little face. I tried the hypoallergenic milk based formula and he did the same thing, I tried cutting out dairy to continue nursing but there was no way, for me, it was too hard...we ended up getting him on soy and he has done great on it, thank goodness! He seems to be tolerating the baby food really well too, I am slowly adding new foods to his diet and he is doing really well. He is such a big boy, he needs the food:), Friday at the doctor, at 5 months old, he was 16 lbs 4 oz!!!!! Through all of this, he continues to be the happiest baby, every time you look at him, he breaks out the biggest smile - he definitely has the same big smile as my dad and I love it! He has the same big, bald head that I had as a baby and he just cracks me up with his happy little personality, here are som new pictures of our little man!

Kate is almost done with her 2 year old preschool year and I am so sad to lose her amazing teacher, she has been wonderful. I was lucky enough to sign Kate up for a summer session with her good friend Mackenzie and she will go to school Tuesday and Thursday's through June with her. I think it will be a good break for her during the month of June, she LOVES to be busy and at school! This is a different school then she normally attends but she will do great being with her friend. Kate has also been doing a gymnastics class at the local community center and she loves it, she is actually really good at it and I love watching her trying so hard to do it all right. I am amazed everyday at the energy and spunk that fills every ounce of Kate's little soul, she is so incredibly smart for her young age and she is so full of life. I pray every night that God will keep her safe, protect her amazing personality and help her to use her strong will in the best possible way...she is amazing to watch and she blows me away with her personality! I am looking forward to the summer with her and all that we have planned.

Anyways, that is the latest on our crew...we are just loving every minute of our lives right now, wishing it would slow down and trying hard to focus on living in the moment! We are so looking forward to the upcoming weeks and all the fun things we have planned!

Today...

2009-04-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

Today was amazing for me, for my entire family! I have spent months waiting for today...when you lose a child or children, you long for any way for them to still feel a part of your family, of your life, of your memories, you want to have them there for every single moment and they can't be there. You worry that people will forget, you worry that people don't know there is something missing from your family picture, you even worry sometimes that you will forget the moments, however brief that you had with your babies. I knew, from the moment I woke up this morning to the moment I had to get in my car and leave Centennial Park that I was doing something to completely honor my girls, to completely put everything else aside and focus on their three tiny souls that have left such an amazing impact in our lives. I wanted to to shout at the top of my lungs to my girls, I wanted them to be there riding in the stroller, jumping with Kate, loving on Blake and it was the closest I have been able to feel to them in many weeks...actually months. At one moment today, I was walking behind Jeff who was pushing the double jogger and I saw Kate holding Blake's little hand, it took my breath away, I thought if only all my children could have moments like this together! I am so blessed by the sweetness of my babies but there are three missing and I will never be the same without them. I am so thankful for moments like today, when my family and friends could all be together and it be about my girls, I don't get to have everyone gather to celebrate their birthdays or any other milestones but I will get this one day where we can all gather and support not only support the March of Dimes but the memory of our girls, let them be on our hearts and minds for a few solid hours - it was amazing for me! I needed it so much this morning and I am SO incredibly thankful not only to everyone who donated money to our walk but also to everyone who came to walk with us, the love and support overwhelmed my heart and it was a beautiful morning. I felt such a peace when I woke up this morning. We stopped on the way to get balloons for the girls and while I was sitting in the car with the kids and Jeff was in getting the balloons, I was telling Kate what we were doing and she said "I am going to send my sissy's their balloons to my heaven mommy". I told her we were also getting a blue balloon for our dear friends Ashly and Denny's baby Brooks who is in heaven with our sissys and she said "mommy is he in my heaven too?" When we later let Kate send the balloons to her sissy's I told her to send them a kiss and she blue a kiss straight up to the sky, it took my breath away! Ashly and Denny released their balloon at the same time and all four balloons went straight up together, not one separated from each other before we lost sight of them, I like to think the babies were all together and caught them to play with for the day!

The crew that walked with us, we decided to sport our UGA attire since I didn't get shirts for our group!
Kate and Blake a little tired from our early morning arrival!

Kate loving all the fun activities!

It was an amazing day and the kids did awesome! I already can't wait till next year's walk!

Beach trip and Easter pictures!

2009-04-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

We had a great time at the beach with the Harrisons, it all went by way too fast! Blake rolled over for the first time and now he is a pro, he has this look of complete shock then gets a huge smile on his face when he first flips over. Kate loved the sand, (finally) and loved swimming at the indoor pool (it was a little cool for the outside pool). Erin uploaded a ton of pictures so you can see them at http://harrisonbulldogs.blogspot.com/ but here are some of my favorites from the week and from our Easter at the beach.

Chilling under the tent

Little Miss Hollywood

(we are in trouble with this one)

The gang eating lunch at the pool
Our attempt for an Easter shot of the kiddos (our good camera was in the shop this week)

Kate looking for the eggs the bunny hid around the pool!

Are we home yet...

We had an awesome time, the kids were all amazing and had so much fun!

4 months old, one year ago today and an eventful week!

2009-04-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

I need about 5 more hours in everyday right now...I simply cannot find 5 minutes to myself lately. It is Saturday night, 9pm, the kids are in bed, I am leaving for the beach tomorrow, I still have to pack for both the kids and myself, I need to get ready for an early Easter at my in-laws tomorrow and I need to finish the laundry. Instead, I poured myself a glass or wine and decided I was going to sit down for a few minutes and have some time for myself, so here I am. It has been one heck of a week around here...to say the least! Yesterday was one year ago since my embryo transfer (in simple words, the day I became pregnant with my little man)!! I will never forget that day, my mom and I went and got pedicures and I sat there the whole time praying with every ounce of my soul that God would allow me to experience a pregnancy again, one with a happy ending. It is amazing how much has changed in one year, it is amazing to reflect on our blessings after so much struggle and pain! Yesterday was also Blake's 4 month birthday, I can't believe he is already 4 months old! At his doctors appointment he was exactly 15lbs, 25.5 inches and his head was 17 inches, he is a BIG boy, a beautiful big boy! We had a scare with Blake this week and it led to an exhausting week. Tuesday afternoon I was sitting on the floor playing with Blake, he was in his bouncy seat and Kate and my niece Jenna were having an Easter egg hunt around the house. All of the sudden Blake's face went completely red, I picked him up over my shoulder and his body went completely frozen, I didn't hear anything and I flipped him around to look at him and he wasn't breathing, he was completely pale and blue around his mouth, his limbs were locked in the most bizarre way. I screamed, ran into the other room towards my front door, (I think I was going to go to my neighbors) when I got to the front door and realized he still wasn't moving or breathing I sat back on the floor with him and kept trying to get him to breath, finally he came to and just whimpered then was fine. I have NEVER been so scared in my entire life. Thankfully my sister came right over. I called the pediatrician and they told me it could have been a number of things but because of his young age I needed to take him to the hospital. I was so distraught that I told Jeff we had to go to the urgent care, right after we checked in there I realized we were supposed to go to the children's hospital...since the doctor was already checking Blake he said we needed to put him in an ambulance to go to the hospital in case it were to happen again. This was frustrating because I knew this was about liability and we should have just gone straight there. It was absolutely gut wrenching to watch all of this, there were 5 emt's who came in, they hooked Blake up to all the monitors, took him from us, put him on this huge stretcher and made me ride in the front seat, I got in the front of the ambulance and lost it, I just cried, my sweet little baby was just looking all around, holding onto one man's finger and looked the size of a peanut on that big stretcher. We ended up spending the night at the hospital so they could monitor Blake all night, I slept in the crib with him in the hospital room and watched him and the monitors all night. I knew in my heart he was OK but it was so scary and I was so afraid of what had happened. The doctors really don't know what happened, they said he could have held his breath for some reason (which sounds really crazy to me because we were just playing), he could have had an apnea episode, it couldn't have been a seizure because he was awake afterwards, but overall they seem to think he could have silent reflux and they are putting him on meds for that. I think the reflux is the most logical because it was like he choked but I didn't hear it, the way his face turned so red. They started him on Zantac and he is on an apnea monitor at night for the next few weeks to make sure nothing happens again, especially when we aren't watching him. I hate that he has to have the monitor, I hate all the wires but I am glad we are making sure he is OK and I can at least get some sleep knowing his heart and breathing are being watched all night long. I know in my heart he is fine and I really think it was a freak thing but it scared the living he** out of me. The way his body felt with his limbs locked scared me the most, the doctor told me that it was probably from the lack of oxygen to his brain and that he probably panicked too. It was awful! But he is fine and everyone was amazing, the doctors were so thorough and helpful and for that I am grateful! SO needless to say, my already busy week was thrown for a big loop and it made it all even crazier! Blake was an angel through all of this, he is so happy and content, he hardly made a peep at the hospital, he slept through the night there and just smiled at everyone, he is a complete ham! I am so thankful I was right there when the incident happened and I pray to never experience that again!!

Kate had a great week, she has been so sweet to Blake, I scared her and Jenna to death because I went into such a panic so she keeps asking me if Blake is OK now. I ended up missing her Easter party at school and was so upset about it but thankfully my mom was able to go in my place, Kate thought it was great to have Meme there so that was perfect! I am so excited to take her to the beach this week, she has honestly asked me every half hour if it was time to go to the beach yet. She is really excited and it will be so fun to get her swimming again. I am going with my friend Erin who has a boy Kate's age and a girl a few months older than Blake so it will be an adventure, the guys are joining us on Wednesday! I am looking forward to the break and to hopefully relax a little!

My awesome new camera is getting fixed (don't ask) so I am using my old one and can hardly stand it but here are a few new pictures!

Blake LOVED his cereal last night!

Kate was my big helper!

All Smiles!

I love this picture of my boys!

I am off to pack and off to the beach, have a great week!

Updates and new pictures

2009-03-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I should be outside enjoying the weather but both the kids are sleeping in their beds (a new event for Blake's nap time) and I am actually sitting here in the quiet house enjoying the silence. I have had so much on my mind the past few days and feel like blogging...I don't even know if people really read my blog much anymore since I have been so bad about posting. Last night I went with my friend Erin to see Kate Gosslin speak at Roswell United Methodist Church (you know, from the John and Kate plus 8 show). I have such mixed feelings about the show and Kate herself so I was anxious to go and hear her speak...plus we had dinner at a cute little place in downtown Roswell and I really enjoyed the night out and the adult conversation! We had dinner with another friend who I didn't know very well before last night, one of Erin's friends, a very nice girl. The dinner started with a lot of talk about babies, pregnancies, nursing, etc. all the things we young new moms talk about. I was asked a very interesting question (ES if you read this, I am not offended that you asked, but nobody has ever asked me that question before). She asked me if I felt differently about Kate than I did about Blake...having carried Blake and not Kate. The question, quite honestly, took me by surprise. I feel so completely the same about both of them and I have never even thought about feeling different about them. They are both my children just the same, no matter how they got here. Each situation, Tammie carrying Kate and me carrying Blake, were so amazing and different. When Tammie was pregnant with Kate, I had no fear, I talked to Kate everyday, Tammie played our voices for her on headphones every night, I prepared for her from day 1 like it was my full time job, I worked SO incredibly hard to bond with her from the very start. With Blake, I was so terrified of losing him that I stayed very guarded and tried to pretend that I wasn't too attached to him...so each situation was incredibly different but I LOVE my children completely the same, I feel NO different about either child, either child's arrival, etc. I realize when people used to tell me that I wouldn't feel different if I carried the baby myself or not, I NEVER believed them, it actually took me having the triplets and carrying Blake to realize just how right those people were - it feels NO different, nobody can explain it but I honestly feel like I carried Kate myself - there is NO difference at all. And yes, Kate will always know how she arrived here, she will always know what an incredible love her Aunt Tammie has for her, she will always know how amazing it all was, how much she was loved from the very start! Surrogacy is an interesting journey but it was an incredible journey and even though I have now carried a child, I would not change it for anything, that was my journey, that was the path I was supposed to take, Tammie was supposed to carry Kate for me - God planned it all that way for a reason and I may not know the exact reason but I do know it was AMAZING and I am forever changed because of it all! So ES thanks for the question, I thought about it all night and my heart has been so full of thoughts on it, I thought it was a good question, it was something many many people may wonder about...I love my children the same, I feel like they both grew in my stomach, I would never feel different because of how God put them here, they are my life, my bond with them is very different because they are two different people but my love and connection with them is completely equal on every level! So anyways, we left dinner and went to listen to Kate Gosslin talk, her talk ended up being a lot about her journey to have her children...the infertility, God's plan for them, her experience in the ultra sound room when they counted the babies for the first time (which reminded me of finding out we had triplets) her intense fear of losing her babies along the way, all of it and it all hit very close to home for me. For a few moments I thought to myself, why couldn't God have protected my girls like he protected those 6 babies...maybe I even felt envy that her journey with high order multiples turned out so happy and mine did not. I even wondered did I do something wrong along the way, did I push myself, should I have been in the hospital being monitored, did I not listen to my body...it just brought up so many emotions for me. I had a good cry on my way home, it was a well needed cry and it felt SO good. I came home and went up to see my babies, I kissed them both in their sleep, prayed over them and felt such an incredible peace that only God could give me - this is where I am supposed to be, these are the babies that God wanted me to have here on earth and for that I am forever grateful and forever content. I am happy I went last night, I am happy I was asked that question, I am happy I heard Kate talk about her trying journey to have her babies...it was a fun evening and maybe one I needed. I am so blissfully caught up in Kate and Blake and my heart is so content for having completed a full pregnancy, I have put my journey to get here aside for a little while, sometimes it is nice to have those tears, to remember my girls and the lives I am missing so much that my heart aches. It is nice to be reminded that it is OK to still cry for them, it is OK to still miss them so much I feel like my heart could break in two, it is OK to feel like I will never completely recover from having them for those short minutes they were alive in my arms. I know I will hold them again and until then I have these two amazing blessings here on earth to love, that is amazing, God is amazing!

Anyways, those are my deep thoughts for today:)! Now that I have taken some time to talk about all of that, here are some awesome new pictures! I am off to enjoy the day with these two beautiful blessings:)!

You won't believe how big Blake is getting, he is SO much fun and is always smiling!

Kate and mommy at Meme and Papa's St. Patty's Day party!

One of my new favorite pictures!

Happy Saturday everyone!

WOW

2009-03-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

I am incredibly amazed and touched by the amount of people who have supported Jeff and my decision to March for Babies in honor of Emma, Kelsey and Lauren!!!!!!! I was going to post on here about the event and to let everyone know that Blake, Katelyn, Jeff and I were going to try and raise 100.00 for each baby for a total of 300.00 - in less then 24 hours we have raised 710.00 total with the donations and the people who have joined our team to walk! I am SO excited and SO touched...you can't imagine what this means to Jeff and me. I am so excited about the walk, it is April 25th, if anyone wants to walk with us, you can join our team and walk, you don't even have to donate money, just be there with us to honor our girls and all the babies who are born too early, email me if you want to join my team and I will send you the link! This is an event that Jeff and I plan to do every year with Blake and Katelyn to honor our girls, last year I found out I was pregnant with Blake on April 3rd so I couldn't walk! Anyways, a huge thanks to everyone for the love and support, thank you for remembering our angels, they will be smiling down on us on April 25th. My heart is so missing my girls but is also so happy and full for them today!

2009-03-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I think I write on my blog in my head a few times a week but finding the time to actually sit down and write right now has been tough. Things are going really well here! I am feeling completely adjusted to life with two kids. We are finally getting sleep at night as Blake is now sleeping 8-10 hour stretches, thank goodness! Blake is an amazing baby, he just hangs out and goes with the flow - polar opposite of my sweet Katelyn! Jeff and I just keep asking each other if this is for real, we were so prepared to have another tough baby experience! Katelyn is doing great too, she loves helping me with Blake and seems to be handling sharing her mommy pretty well. Besides being busy with the kids, Jeff and I are both playing tennis again and are trying to get back into the groove of life with no school (for Jeff) and bed rest (for me). Two years of pregnancy for me took it's toll on things/activities we like to do. Life is starting to feel so normal and so much more calm. I have found such an incredible sense of peace that I have spent almost five years looking for, I spent every breath, every moment of the past five years wondering, worrying, hurting over the desire to carry a baby, have a baby, finish a pregnancy, give Kate a sibling, etc. Now that it is all done and we have these two beautiful blessings it feels somewhat like God has lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders! The other day Jeff and I were out walking with both the kids in the stroller, it reminded me of something someone once told me...I thought about one of the best lessons I have learned over the years. I thought if someone looked at me right at that moment and they were trying to have a baby, recovering from a recent loss, going through treatments, etc. they would look at the four of us and think we had it so perfect and that person may even resent us - you just NEVER know what someone has been through to get to where they are at that moment - that I will never forget! I have this huge passion and heart for helping people who are going through what we have been through, I suppose I could take my pick and help those facing surrogacy, infertility or pregnancy loss. I haven't really figured out how to get to where I want to be with helping others but I am going to figure something out...please pray for that or let me know any suggestions that you have for me. I would love to be a counselor for those going through this but I guess I need to see what schooling/licensing that I would need for that. I feel like I don't need anything because no license or degree can teach you what I have learned living through it all. I will get there eventually. I just always think of the things I wish someone had told me when I started this journey, the things I wish I had known from the start, the support that I wish I would have found from someone who had been there, I wish that people in my life would have had someone to talk to about what we were going through...there are so many things I wish I had had so I know there is so much I can offer to others. Overall I wish I had known that life would be OK again, that my heart would be content again, that I would feel the complete happiness that disappeared the day I learned I couldn't get pregnant on my own again. I wish I had known how amazing the other side would be no matter what paths we had to take to get here - I wish I had known how worth it it would all be when the battle was over with. Nobody can really tell you that till you live through it and get to the other side...but it would have been nice to hear it from someone who had actually been through it all. Anyways, enough of my rambles, all of that has been weighing so heavily on my heart lately that I know I need to find a way to support others and I will.

I am looking forward to the sun coming back out tomorrow, it has been a rainy week-end here and we are in need of some sunshine! I have so many new pictures to post so I will get them on here as soon as I can! Nap time is coming to an end around here so I have to run!

Happy 3 months to my sweet boy!

2009-03-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

Happy 3 months to my sweet baby boy! I can't believe it has already been three months! Blake continues to be a complete angel, he is so laid back and such a happy baby. I think we are finally getting into a night routine as well, he is sleeping from about 8:30 to 5:30, eating and going right back to sleep, it is wonderful! We are having so much fun with Blake, he is so different from his sister, I love experiencing a boy after having my strong willed little girl!

All smiles!

I was trying to show off his big boy outfit today!

My sweet babies!

Busy times around here!

2009-02-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

February is a busy time for us with Valentine's Day, Jeff's birthday and our anniversary all within a week of each other! We have been celebrating a lot and Monday we continued the celebration with the arrival of our new nephew and Blake's new playmate - Gordon Patrick Schutz! Jeff's sister has Haley who is 8 weeks younger than Kate and now they have Gordon who is almost exactly 12 weeks younger than Blake, it couldn't have worked out more perfectly had we planned it and God knows there was no planning pregnancies in our house! Little Gordon is beautiful and we are excited to begin a lifetime with him! Jeff and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary, we actually went out to dinner for a night out but we were so tired we were home by 9:00. We plan to postpone the celebration for a trip we are taking in October. Things are going well at home with the kids. Kate is completely potty trained and only had two accidents the entire time, she is amazing when SHE decides to do something. She continues to be an awesome big sister and loves helping me with Blake. Blake is doing awesome too, I still can't believe what a good baby he is, he completely has his daddy's laid back personality. My favorite new thing with Blake is that every time you walk up to him he gives you the biggest smile, no matter what he is doing, he is so happy to see you talking to him, I love it! He is getting stronger with his head and is growing like a weed, he has lost all his newborn look and is starting to look like a little boy! We also are starting to get into the groove with the night routine. Last night was the best night's sleep he has ever had but all week it has just gotten better and better so I think we may be turning a corner here. I feed Blake at 9pm for his last feeding and last night he slept till 6am, he ate and went right back to sleep till 7:30 - it was so wonderful...except that I was up from 3:00am on with Katelyn - doesn't that just figure? Bless Kate's heart though, she has an ear infection and with it she has been running a high fever so she ended up sleeping all day yesterday. At 3am I hear "mommy, come here"...I ignore it for a minute then I hear "mommy, I want to watch TV". I had to go check on her since she has been so sick, she was fine. About 20 minutes later she was crying for something to drink and I knew she needed fluids so Jeff gets up to get her something, next thing I know she is in our bed, trying to go to sleep but too hyper. We started watching cartoons sometime before 6am - what a long day! Kate seems to be getting better but this ear infection has hit her hard. Thankfully it is a rainy day today and we are just laying low. We are looking forward to a low key week-end! Here are some new pictures!

Blake waiting to meet his new cousin, all smiles!

Hanging out!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Where have I been?

2009-02-14T15:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know where I have been...living life with these two blessings, trying not to fall over from lack of sleep. Blake is such an ANGEL baby but he doesn't like to sleep at night! Unfortunately it isn't that he wakes up hungry, he wakes up and just won't go back to sleep, he is so unsettled. I feed him but he could take it or leave it and then I spend the next two hours trying to get him to go back to sleep...I am not sure what to do, we are trying everything. Thank goodness he is so sweet all day and really during the night he is pretty sweet too! I know this will pass soon, we didn't know how good we had it when Kate slept through the night at 4 weeks. But I can't complain, I am blissfully happy regardless of how tired I am right now. Katelyn loves Blake so much and Blake has really started smiling at her and watching her, he is going to love his big sister when he is old enough to play with her. Everyday Kate asks me when Blake can play dress up with her, poor little boy! I still can't believe how blessed Jeff and I are, after everything we have been through, I feel like God has given us such a gift in these two children. I miss my girlies so much, everyday still, but I simply can't imagine my life without Blake and I feel like he is my gift from the girls. I know they are watching over us and waiting to meet us all in heaven someday! The middle of the night when I am up with Blake is my favorite time to pray, talk to God and talk to my girls, I imagine them and wonder what they would be like at this age. I know they would be beautiful and so full of life...anyways, I just wanted to share how much my heart still misses them.
This morning when we all were awake, well Jeff and I had been awake for several hours (oh and Blake), but I think Blake woke Kate up, it was 6am and I was tired beyond words but we were all laying in our bed (a special treat as we don't let the kids sleep in our bed) I smiled so big, looked at my crowded bed and thought this is the BEST Valentines Day ever!! The only thing missing is my girls but I know someday we will all be together again! Till then, we will live life to the fullest with these two angels we have here! Happy Valentines Day, enjoy our new pictures!

Nothing sweeter in the world

My Valentines!
Working on our head strength

Kate loves Blakes new toys!

Hanging out

Potty Time!!

2009-02-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of Katelyn so I have to write a post completely for her! I didn't share the crazy story from over Christmas break when we decided to try and potty train Kate. She was so excited in the very beginning so we thought it was perfect timing...we didn't think that through. Day three into the potty training we hadn't slept in three nights because she was up all night crying with anxiety about having to go potty, she was didn't want to go on the potty but she didn't want to go in her diaper anymore either. Then she started screaming bloody murder every time she had to pee and she had to be held the entire time until she finally went to the bathroom. On Christmas eve morning it was so bad she was screaming and clinging to me and I was certain she had given herself a bladder infection or something. Jeff ended up at the Urgent Care with her and she had to get a catheter in order to go to the bathroom and check things out. She was fine but the doctor said obviously she wasn't ready and the anxiety was too much for her. I felt terrible, it wasn't like we pushed it, threatened her or anything, we were making it very fun but it all went downhill. We dropped it, obviously and we decided we would wait until this summer and give her a break. I think having a new baby, Christmas break, Jeff being home so much, so many activities, it was all too much at once for her - a bad time to try and potty train looking back. Anyways, Monday night my niece Jenna came over to play. I decided to give the girls a bath, Kate was in the bath and Jenna was getting ready and said she had to go potty first. A minute later Kate said "Mommy I have to potty" so I got her out and went with it thinking yeah right. I put her on the potty and at first she was so tense I thought here we go again but all the sudden her whole body relaxed and she went and ever since then she has gone pee on the potty!!!! She had one accident yesterday morning and it was a number 2:), she hasn't mastered that one yet. But that is it...we had a play date yesterday and she never had an accident, she came and told me every time she had to go. The child has had more M&M's in the past 36 hours then i have had in a lifetime and I don't even care. Apparently I think I am potty training because I have enjoyed the M&Ms myself and every time I go potty I get M&M's from Kate. Today is Kate's first day at school since this new adventure but she insisted on pantie's and no rubber pants so I sent her. I decided to walk her in so I could talk to her teacher - this was my favorite moment of the week. Jenna was with us so we walk Kate to her class, we are walking down the hall and the director and another teacher are greeting kids...all the sudden Kate looks at the director and says "I am going potty on the big girl potty" with a little dance and in the most excited voice a young child can have! It was priceless! She went on to tell her teacher and I can't believe it...I left there and just prayed that God would be with her and give her the courage to stick with it at school, I don't want any of that anxiety to come back and haunt her. I am so proud of her but I am also blown away by this little person...I knew she was going to be strong willed (it is a trait in the women in my family) but apparently she wants to do things on HER terms, not mine! I am going to have my work cut out for me. I just pray Blake will be my sweet little man and let Kate be the strong willed child she is going to be:)!
Anyways, I am just so proud of her I had to share the story. I know Katelyn is plenty old enough to be potty trained and I shouldn't act like it is so amazing but it is to me, I can't believe how big she is getting and how well she is doing, I pray it continues but if it doesn't, it is OK, we will take it day by day so we don't cause that anxiety again! I will keep you posted! She gets a new princess dress from Jeff and me tonight if she stays dry at school, I will be so excited if we can give it to her!

I have some new pictures to post and will try and get those up soon! We are doing great and Blake is doing awesome! He isn't sleeping well at night anymore but last night I just decided to let go my stress of getting him to sleep through the night, if it takes him a little while to figure it out then so be it, he will sleep through the night eventually. I am flat out of anymore tricks to try, it is what it is and I am going to enjoy the quiet moments I have with him no matter how tired I am during the day:), it won't last forever. Honestly this is the best problem to have, Jeff and I prayed for this child for SO long that I can hardly complain about being up with him during the night! I remember wishing Kate had been up some during the night because I missed out on that quiet time with her, she slept through the night at 4 weeks so this is all so new to me!

Anyways I have to run just wanted to write about my Kate, I am SO proud of her, please pray that the anxiety we had last time stays away and this is it for her!!

2 month check up

2009-01-29T07:29:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Blake is 2 months old already! Time has flown by...today we had his 2 month appointment and everything looks great! The doctor said he was perfect, I already knew that but it was nice to hear:)! Blake is exactly 11lbs, exactly the same as Katelyn at her 2 month check up, he is in the 40% for his weight. He was 24 inches long, the 85% for his length and his head was in the 70%! Poor baby had to get 4 shots and an oral vaccine, I cried it was so sad. It has been an amazing 2 months and has completely flown by!
I have to run but wanted to share the update!

Life...doesn't get much better than this!

2009-01-27T13:01:00.000-08:00

The moment I have been waiting for, Blake finally smiled today and he hasn't stopped all day!

He thought Karley was the funniest person this morning!

Hanging out at the Children's Museum

Kate and Haley making masterpieces

My best little helper, Kate giving Blake a bath!

She loved being in charge!

For those of you wondering, yes, I am still in awe of my life! Things are going really well here, Blake is getting so big and I can't believe tomorrow he is 8 weeks old. It is so hard to believe 8 weeks have passed since he was born. Finally this morning I got my full out smiles that I have been waiting for, I cried and Kate was so excited. Every morning we lay in my bed trying to get Blake to smile and she was so excited this morning when he finally did it! I have to admit, I think he was trying to make it up to me, he has been up all night for the past three nights. I am not sure what is going on but I haven't slept more then 2 hours straight since Friday night. We moved him to his bed Friday night and he slept awesome, 8 hours, but since then he has been so unsettled. We are going to try things a little different tonight and see if we can get him back to sleeping better, he loves his mommy and would love to sleep on me all night but that isn't going to work for me! Everything else is going good around here, I took Kate and Blake to the mall for an outing by myself last week, we did really good. I was nervous but ready to venture out and get used to life with two, with a lot of patience and time, we made it and had a good time meeting a friend for lunch. Kate continues to be the best big sister and loves to help me with Blake. She is back on schedule with her naps and back to her sweet little self! Life is good!

A moment to myself

2009-01-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

Well I think I finally have a moment to myself so I thought I would sit down to update my blog. Both Katelyn and Blake are sleeping at the moment, the house is cleaned, I have worked out and dinner is cooking in the crock pot - I would say I am in good shape for today!! Blake has been sleeping awesome, basically 9:30 - 4:30 so I can't begin to complain but last night he ate around 9 and slept till 7am, it was heaven!!!!!!! I think that is why I have been getting so much done today, I am like a new person sleeping that long. Things are going really well around here, Katelyn is back to her old self, she is napping and sleeping better. She is doing so good with Blake and loves to help me with him. I always see her talking to him, trying to hug him, putting his paci in and just loving him, it always melts my heart. I think for Kate getting back into school and our routine has been huge for her, she needed that normalcy in her life with all these changes in her house. Blake is still a really good baby, he has his moments but I seem to be more relaxed with those moments than I ever was with Katelyn. I think we have figured out the spitting up, he now nurses from one side per feeding and it makes the biggest difference, I think he was eating too much. The nurse suggested we try this from now will we go next week for his 2 month check up (isn't that crazy). It does seem to be helping, Kate spit up so much, we tried every medicine and the most expensive formula they make and looking back, I think it was something she just had to grow out of, I feel that way with Blake, he will grow out of it. He doesn't scream like Kate did so I know it isn't painful for him. He just loves to eat:)! I am doing really well too, getting back into life and figuring out how to juggle two demanding children, I mean that with the most love. Emotionally I am even starting to feel more relaxed and balanced. I will be very honest, I didn't have postpartum depression at all but I have had the most intense anxiety that I have ever felt before and I assume it is from my hormones. Obviously since the moment I got pregnant, I was anxious about losing the baby, everyday brought me more peace. Then we get to delivery and things didn't go as 'easy' as I had thought they would. When Blake was born my anxiety about him became the most intense it has ever been. I realize every parent worries about their children, I know this from having Kate already but this has been so different. Blake's heart rate kept dropping throughout my pushing which I know often happens during delivery, I ended up delivering him while laying on my right side because this was the only position that steadied his heart rate. When he came out the cord was wrapped around his neck, the intermediate nursery (not the NICU but the next step up) was called and they had to put oxygen and heart monitors on him right away. I was laying in the bed sobbing, I kept asking anyone and everyone if he was OK. I was so scared they were going to take him to the NICU or that something was wrong, I told the doctor we delivered too early, I was absolutely terrified...then I was put to sleep to get my placenta issues taken care of. Obviously Blake was fine, he was grunting at the time and they thought he had a little 'wimpy white boy syndrome' but he figured it out. Well from there he has been doing awesome but I can't shake the fear I have of something happening to him. When he lost all that weight I panicked, if he sleeps too much, I panic, I have hardly taken him anywhere because I have been so worried about him getting sick, he hasn't totally smiled at my yet and I am so worried that he hasn't smiled - it is ridiculous, I know but it is something I have been dealing with. I think it is an understandable anxiety...for one, I now how real it is too lose a child and how fast it can all be taken away and after all we have been through this amazing baby is here - with that comes some adjusting to all these emotions! So that is where I have been emotionally over the past few weeks. The anxiety is getting so much better, I am feeling so much more confident in Blake and I am starting to really believe this is all really my life and that nobody is going to take it away. I wake up everyday and still am in awe of it all. I love to say "my children, my kids"...something I never thought I would say. I love every ounce of where I am today, the sleepless nights, the chaos of many moments, the trials of a two year old and a newborn - I love it all! I am really trying to take in each moment and not miss anything...it goes so fast I feel as if I will miss something if I blink too long!
As I mentioned earlier, I am taking Blake to his 2 month appointment a week from Thursday, it will be about 5 days before he is technically 2 months but he will be over 8 weeks, I can't even believe that. I am not sure where these two months have gone but we survived, I think the first two months can be the hardest...figuring out nursing, sleeping, and life in general so I am excited we have survived! I can't wait to see what Blake weighs, he is getting so big! I will update some pictures soon, I take a million pictures, I think every minute Blake is more adorable than the last.
Well I am off to rest for my last moments of quiet around here!

Pictures Pictures and more pictures

2009-01-16T13:03:00.001-08:00

There is so much I want to write and my goal this week-end is to take some time to just write about everything on here but for now here are some pictures that capture the past 6 weeks, yes it has already been 6 weeks!!

The nursery all finished!

For those of you who remember the sign I was looking for, my sisters made it for me and I LOVE it. It says "Dreams Do Come True"

This is the moment I was SO thankful my camera is so awesome and quick, this picture melts my heart, Kate is so in love with Blake and he is so in awe of her. I love this one!

Blake's sweet profile

Look how big he is getting!

Hanging Out

Our first walk in the baby bjorn (this was when it was warm outside)

2009-01-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have a few minutes of downtime and thought I would take a moment to update my blog. Last week was back to reality as all the final Christmas/New Years festivities died down, Jeff went back to work and Kate went back to school. Honestly I was so ready, ready to get into a routine with Kate and Blake and ready to feel more organized about our days...if that is possible with a newborn. Katelyn has really gone through an adjustment over the holidays and I thought getting back into her routine would be good for her, for the most part, I was right. She has been much better this week besides the napping and sleeping. Kate has been an awesome sleeper her whole life, she slept through the night at 4 weeks and has required her sleep ever since. We have always said how lucky we were because we could put her in bed and not hear from her till the morning no matter where we put her down, plus she moved to a bed at 18 months and she never once got out of her bed during naps - that ALL changed over the break. I am sure she is adjusting to everything in her life right now but I am dying. Kate will no longer nap, she stays in her room, thank God but will not sleep. And at night she is playing in her room till almost 11pm, I am falling asleep before her some nights and then waking in a panic afraid she is sleeping on the floor somewhere...what happened to my rock star sleeper, I don't know. I feel like 2.5 is young to completely stop napping. Before Blake was born she was sleeping 2-3 hours everyday and from about 9-7 every night. OH it has been a challenge around here. I don't know what to think other than I pray it is a phase and she is going to start sleeping again. Sadly, she is in great spirits so I am afraid she may be OK without a nap. Other than that, I think Kate was super excited to be back at school this week, she loves going to school and it was nice to get her back into her routine with school. She is still be so super sweet with Blake and asks to hold him and put his paci in all the time. She always says "OH Blakey I love you", it melts my heart. She did tell me she wants a girl and next time can I please get a girl...I told her there was no next time, Blake was it for her:)! I am happy she loves him so much and her 'adjustment' hasn't been anger towards him, how proud does she look here?

I know we don't look that good here but I love this picture!

Blake is doing really well too. He is still sleeping anywhere from 5-7 hours at night so I can't complain. He has starting spitting up a ton which is exactly what Kate did so I am used to it but I hate it. Kate screamed when she threw up and Blake just lays there and it comes out - much different personalities:)! Blake is still a sweet baby, he is pretty content, likes to be swaddled tight for his naps, loves his nightly bath time and is starting to be so much more alert, which I love. I have been working on getting a smile out of him but no such luck. I am still in such awe of him, I wonder if that will ever go away. I just can't seem to believe we had a boy and that I carried him, it is still such an incredible miracle to me from where we started with all of this. So many times each day I will be feeding Blake and Kate will be sitting with me and I just can't believe this is my life - it truly doesn't get any better than this, I feel so blessed.

Here is my little man getting so much bigger!

As for me, I am feeling really good. I started running this week and even bought myself a treadmill - no excuses with it staring at me all day long. I am ready to feel like myself after two years of being pregnant, I am ready to get my body back (as much as I can while nursing). I love to walk outside but it isn't always realistic with this weather and two kids so the treadmill will be perfect. I had my post partum check and everything looked good. I never did share the story of Blake's birth but to make a long story short, after I delivered him I had a retained placenta, I had never heard of this. My placenta tore all apart and my epidural never worked during the delivery so I was in excruciating pain as the dr was trying to get it all out. I was begging she just get it over with so I could be with Blake and remember everything, I really didn't want hard drugs to knock me out...the next thing I knew there were all the anesthesiologist in there and I was put to twilight sleep so that she could do the procedure. I ended up having an ultra sound before I left the hospital and there appeared to be a little left so I came home on meds that made me contract over the week-end to try and pass the rest - thankfully all turned out fine - couldn't it just have been easy/normal though:)!! So everything looked good at the doctor and I am all set to return to normal life, I left there so thankful I don't have to go back anytime soon! It is really nice to start feeling so normal again!

That's all for now. I just wanted to give a quick update and let you all know how we are doing!

Katie

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year...where has one month gone?

2009-01-03T12:34:00.000-08:00

It has been a really busy, fun and crazy few weeks around here. I realized that having a new baby was going to be busy but having him right at Christmas time has really added to the craziness around here. Blake is ONE month old today and I can't believe one month has gone by. I have some pictures from the past few weeks. The festivities started with a wonderful celebration that my sisters and sister-in-laws had for Blake. It was a wonderful day with so many wonderful friends who have been on this amazing journey with us. I felt so proud to show Blake off and to celebrate his amazing life, all day I was overwhelmed with how far we have come in one year. I never would have dreamed this is where I would be this time last year!

Blake and I with all my sisters!

Blake with his girlfriends Hannah and Caroline!

Christmas Eve Morning Brunch in our PJ's!

Christmas Eve at Meme and Papa's, Santa always stops by before he delivers toys, I was glad to get a picture of Kate and Blake with Santa since we didn't take Blake to see Santa this year!

This is my favorite moment of Christmas Eve. Every year my step father plays Thank God For Kids. For many years I would cry during the song with my heart aching to have a child. Kate's first Christmas I cried with overwhelming joy as she slept on my shoulder, last year was somewhat bittersweet as I had this beautiful blessing in Kate but my three daughters had just gone to heaven. This year my arms were so full as I held both my children and sang along...it was amazing, God is amazing and I can't believe how blessed we are with these babies to love.

Christmas Morning, the dollhouse Santa brought to Kate!

Here are some new pictures of our little man, I can't believe he is ONE month old today! I have fallen so completely in love with Blake, he is such a good baby, we are so lucky. I love how much more alert he gets everyday and how peaceful he is...most of the time:)! He is gaining weight and looks so much bigger to me. Last night Jeff and I got a present and Blake slept 6 hours, ate and slept three more, I feel like a new person today! Katelyn loves Blake, she is testing her mommy and daddy but she is so sweet to Blake, thank goodness. She loves to kiss him, help me burp him and talk to him, I can't wait till he can respond to her!

We had an incredible Christmas spent with family and friends. We have spent many moments just stopping and thanking God for where we are today. We look so forward to 2009 and the amazing times we are going to have together, free of the stress of having another child. We can finally focus on the family we have and enjoy the gifts God has given us. I hope that all of you are as excited for 2009 as I am, I pray that all your dreams come true!

Happy New Year!

Katie

Here I am...

2008-12-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

I have such good intentions of keeping things updated here but adjusting to life with two kids and getting ready for the holidays has been somewhat of an overload for me. Things here are going awesome, life is so full and so busy, it could not be better right now. I will start with our little man, Blake is adjusting to life with all of us just fine, he has been such a sweet baby, so content and so peaceful, we are praying he stays that way. We went back for his 2 week check up and he had gained 9 ounces in a week and was up to 7lbs 10 oz, which is awesome! We have to go back to one weight check next week to make sure he hits his birth weight, they aren't concerned but said they need to document him reaching his birth weight. He is nursing great, sleeping pretty good at night and is awake more each day. You forget about this newborn stage and how much they sleep. I am still in complete awe of Blake, many times each day I just look at him and thank God for him. I also thank the girls, Kelsey, Emma and Lauren as I like to believe they sent Blake to us. He is such a precious gift and was so meant to be in our lives, it helps me to understand God's plan for our family. I feel like he has always been here but at the same time it is hard to believe over two weeks have gone by. He is so amazing! Here are some new pictures for you all to enjoy, I can't stop taking pictures, every minute I think he has changed!

Snoozing...

Hanging out

Getting in the Christmas Spirit!

Now for an update on Katelyn! She is an amazing big sister and is really adjusting well considering all the changes around here. We had a good week together getting into our routine without so many people around. Monday Kate had her preschool Christmas program and was adorable on the stage, she wouldn't sing or participate but I was so proud of her for staying on the stage that I didn't even care. Tuesday night I took Kate to see Santa with my family while Jeff stayed home with Blake. Wednesday night Jeff took Kate to see Santa with his family while Blake and I stayed behind. It was nice for each of us to have some alone time with Kate and to get out of the house. Kate was adorable with Santa, sat on his lap and told him she wanted a dollhouse and puzzles for Christmas, she also thought she should tell Santa that her tummy was sick (weeks ago). She really is so into Christmas this year, it is so much fun and reminds us of the magic of this time of the year! I can't wait for Christmas morning with her, I am praying we all stay healthy this year since last year Kate was so sick. Kate is out of school for a few weeks and I am looking forward to having her home and not having to get her out the door in for preschool. We have a fun but low key Christmas planned and I am just looking so forward to spending more time getting adjusted and enjoying my family. This is going to be the BEST Christmas I have ever had and I can't wait! Here are some pictures of Kate's exciting week!

Visiting Santa with cousin Haley!

Riding the merry go round with Papa after seeing Santa

Waiting in line with my cousins
(Kyleigh, Kate, Ellie and Jenna)

Getting ready to head to school for the Christmas Program!

That's all for tonight, I am off to bed to hopefully get a few hours of sleep! I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season. I am going to be much better about updating my blog now, I promise!

Can someone please stop the clock...

2008-12-10T18:11:00.000-08:00

I wish there was someway to freeze moments in time. I wish there was a way to bottle up this complete happiness and bliss that I am living in right now and hold on to it forever. I know how fast the time goes when I look at Kate and I just want it all to slow down now. If only that were possible. I am completely exhausted, a little overwhelmed, still recovering physically, learning all about the newborn phase all over again and insanely happy with it all! I constantly stop throughout the day and thank God for the incredible blessings we have in our lives. I cannot express how in love I am with Blake, I never thought that feeling could be as strong as it is with Kate and it is amazing that your heart can fit those emotions for two children! I have hardly had time to do anything around here, the house is a mess, the laundry is piling up and things are so out of order (which is not easy for me) but I am learning to let it all go, it will still be there tomorrow. I just wanted to send out an update and some new pictures. We are doing awesome around here. Jeff went back to work today but so many people are coming to help so I didn't feel as overwhelmed as I thought I would. Katelyn is adjusting very well and has been an angel. She loves Blake and wakes up in the morning asking where her brother is. I love watching her with him, she will be a great sister to him. Blake is doing really well, he is so sweet and so far so content...I don't think he has woken up yet. The only problem we are having is Blake has lost a lot of weight, he was 7lbs 1 oz today at his check. The doctor wasn't too worried but it has me all stressed out. He is nursing really well but not long enough so we are going to step it all up and fatten up our little man. He looks like such a peanut now. The nurse did tell me today that it is possible he is not going to be a huge baby, 8lbs at 37 weeks was a really big baby for Jeff and me. Kate was 6.9 at 38 weeks 3 days. He may be adjusting to his real size, regardless I want him to gain it back so we will be working to plump him up. Other than that he is a complete angel and has melted his way into our lives, I simply cannot imagine life being complete without him! I have to get into bed but here are some new pictures for you all to enjoy...

Kate went with daddy to pick out our Christmas tree, she was so excited!

That's all for tonight, good night!!

Welcome to the world our little man...

2008-12-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

Introducing Blake Kel Gordon

8lbs 21.5 inches long

Our beautiful blessing from God!

Our hearts are so full and so complete

I am sorry I couldn't update earlier, thanks to Auntie Jane and Molly for keeping everyone updated, I cried as I read every one's comments, thank you for all the prayers. It has been an overwhelming, wonderful and exhausting couple of days. Jeff, Kate and I are so completely in love with the newest member of our family - what a gift from God. There will be many details to follow including the crazy story of Blake's arrival and the delivery, never a dull moment but most important we are all home and healthy now!

Much love to all of you, thank you for the incredible prayers, they have truly been answered! I will update with more pictures and details when I have had some more rest.

quick update

2008-12-02T16:09:00.000-08:00

All has gone well today, the cerclage came out a little after 5 and Dr.K said I needed cervidil because I was only a finger tip dilated. Around 7 the doctor came in to do the cervidil but they cancelled it because I am over 3cm and 50% effaced already. It is nice that I already have the epidural, am hoping to get some sleep and have the baby in the morning but I am not sure baby Gordon wants to wait that long...we will see!!! We are, of course, giddy with excitement. Will keep you posted as we can!!

FULL TERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I am full term today! God is so amazing! I still can't believe the week is finally here and I still can't wrap my arms around the fact that tomorrow Jeff and I will check into the hospital to have a full term, prayerfully healthy living baby who will come home to live with us! I keep asking Jeff when it is going to hit us and truly set in but I don't think it will be till the moment this baby is placed in our arms. The pressure from this baby, the increased contractions and the swelling in one leg have pretty much convinced me that I am ready to be done! Of course my emotions are all over the place, I am overwhelmed with wanting to remember Katelyn's birth and not the experience we had with the triplets. I pray that tomorrow God will fill Jeff and I with a complete peace as we finally experience what we have worked so incredibly hard for over the past four and a half years. I know it is going to be an amazing experience for us as well as our family and friends who have been on this journey with us. I can't wait to share the whole birth story when it is all over with. I can't wait to find out who is in there and who is coming home with us...Blake or Kinsley.

I plan to update my blog as we go or have someone update it if I can't so I will keep you all posted as soon as I can over the next two days. I simply cannot wait to post a picture of our newest addition. Please pray for a calm, peaceful experience for Jeff and me. Please pray for Kate to adjust well and enjoy her few days with family as I am going to miss her like crazy. Most importantly, please pray that this baby arrives as healthy as possible and that all goes well with the delivery.

This morning I told Kate the baby was coming out of mommy's tummy this week, she looked at me as serious as could be and said "then you can play chase with me mommy"! I almost cried! I carried her down the stairs from her nap for the first time in 9 months today, she laid on my shoulder and I couldn't put her down, I didn't even care how much it hurt my cerclage...I am SO ready to be back to 100% mommy mode with her.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your love, prayers and support - we are so excited for this week and can't wait to share with all of you.
Katie

What a wonderful Thanksgiving!

2008-11-30T07:13:00.000-08:00

We had such a wonderful couple of days with Jeff's family! Kate and her cousin Haley had a blast and we got to spend some time with Jeff's grandmother, Aunt Barb and Uncle Jeff from Ohio! I know everyone enjoyed the time together and we had lots of good food.

Our last family picture of the three of us!

Jeff's grandmother (GiGi) with her great granddaughters!

And of course 2 peas in a pod!

I am feeling pretty good, counting down the days now but thankful that baby Gordon is going to stay put till Tuesday. I have started having some serious swelling which is really fun...I just can't believe how close we are now! I will update again before Tuesday! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

No more OB appointments!!!

2008-11-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

It is hard for me to believe it but this morning was my very last OB appointment with Dr. G!! Jeff ended up having the day off so it was really nice that we were both able to go. I have been feeling pretty good but as of yesterday I have been having some pretty intense pain and pressure in my cerclage area. Dr. G checked things out and said the baby's head has descended and is right there sitting on my cerclage - that would explain it. As awful as it sounds, I feel like he/she is going to rip right through the stitches. I know that won't happen as that is the point of these stitches. I am contracting a lot, pretty much every 10 - 12 minutes but they aren't changing in intensity and they aren't increasing so I am just to watch them over the next few days. Dr. G said there is really no point in me taking the terbutaline anymore, it will not stop labor at this point, I have been really nausea and we decided I should stop it unless it made me feel some relief from these annoying contractions. I asked her what to watch for and she just said either my water breaking or the contractions increasing in intensity and not slowing down. As my contractions have picked up, I do remember the pain that came with them during my labor with the triplets so I am assuming I will know when it is the real thing. I hope to make it till Tuesday and I really think I will now! Everything is all set up and Jeff and I are to check in after lunch on Tuesday. There is no way of knowing how fast everything will go but the good news is that if I don't make it till Wednesday when Dr. G comes on, I do love the doctor and midwife that are there on Tuesday. Sometimes when they remove your cerclage your water can break right away, you can immediately dilate all the way, or nothing can change. I will be checked right after the cerclage is removed and again in the evening to determine the plan for the evening/induction. I am so excited but I have to admit it feels like an out of body experience, I cannot believe we are here, I cannot believe it is OK if I go into labor now, I cannot believe we made it and that I am going to experience delivering a child who is full term, living and coming home with us!! Words cannot express what I feel. Jeff and I are simply giddy with excitement now! As I know I have said over and over again, what a difference a year can make...I am in awe of the last year and how much our life has changed.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and this year I am overwhelmed with things that I am thankful for, I need to list some of them so I will remember them forever:

My amazing husband and best friend
My beautiful daughter, Katelyn
My incredible sister who sacrificed so much to get Katelyn in our arms
My amazing family - all my parents, siblings, in laws, etc. their support has been so above and beyond from day one of this journey.
All my nieces and nephews who fill my heart and make life so much sweeter
My mother who is my very best friend in the world, she has put up with me and survived each trial i/we have faced. As a mother, I now appreciate what she has been through with me on a different level.
This pregnancy and the baby who is growing so strong inside of me, I can't wait to hold you baby!
My friends who have dealt with me through all of this and been there every step of the way
My blogger friends and all the people who have prayed for us over the past year

There is so much more but those are the ones on my mind today. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I will keep you all posted on the next few days...within a week from today I will be holding my little angel - Thank you God!!

Katie

Just the three of us...

2008-11-23T10:20:00.001-08:00

We have had such an awesome week-end spending so much quality time together. Katelyn had a date with mommy and daddy on Saturday. We headed to the mall for Build A Bear, lunch and a carousal ride. We all had the best time but watching Katelyn's excitement was priceless! We have never done Build A Bear with her and I had no idea what it would be like, she thought it was amazing. She picked out a kitty for herself and a brown bear for the baby, she was so proud to make a bear for the baby!

Here she is all ready to go, I love this picture!

Mommy, Daddy and Kate getting the bear stuffed!

Daddy and Kate giving the bear and kitty a bath!

Making their birth certificates, very serious business...

After lunch at Chick fil A Jeff took Kate on the carousal, she absolutely thought it was the greatest thing and was yelling to me all the way around! Thank goodness she got on the lion because she saw it the minute we walked up. I do think daddy had just as much fun!

After our awesome day yesterday we have been getting projects done around the house. I do believe my nesting has rubbed off on Jeff and he is rocking on my 'honey do' list. For a good laugh for all of you, this morning at 7:15am I was in the garage, in my pj's with a doughnut, cleaning the garage out. Jeff came stumbling down and was like "what are you doing"...it's like I can't stop, I went out to feed the dogs and just decided to start cleaning out there. I feel great, I am thankful for the medicine working because I love to not sit around and contract right now, I am not ready and feel confident with the medicine I will make it till the 2nd at least. I am so amazed that we are 36 weeks!!

Here is my 36 week belly shot!

Moving right along...

2008-11-21T10:47:00.000-08:00

Well another appointment down and I am officially done visiting the offices of Atlanta Perinatal so that is great! Today's appointment went well. I haven't been feeling well over the past 24 hours, I have been very sick to my stomach and was contracting a lot yesterday, for several hours they were the painful contractions every 10-11 minutes. I took the terbutaline and it seemed to slow things down but I did decide to pack our bags last night just in case. I was supposed to be done with the cervical checks but since I was contracting so much they did a measurement today and my cervix was 2.5, so definitely changing but it was OK. I asked Dr. K how to know when to go in and when to let them go, he really didn't give me a good answer but said that last night with my contractions 10 minutes apart I should have been at Labor and Delivery getting evaluated. He has put me back on the terbutaline and wants me to take it till Monday the 1st, I agree, I want another good week with this baby inside. He also said to take it easy next week so we can make it till the 2nd. So back to the shaky, light headed feeling to add to it all - very worth it though. And honestly my cerclage hurts so bad I don't think I can keep the pace I did this week, the heavier the baby gets the more it hurts me and it is that type of pain that brings tears to your eyes. Now for the good stuff, the baby looked perfect, both on ultra sound and on the NST scan. Today the baby measured 6lbs 11 oz and 37 weeks, 1 day so he/she has slowed down a tiny bit since I have been more active. They guessed by my induction the baby should be around 7 and a half lbs, we will see how accurate that all is! The nurse called me yesterday and set up everything for the induction, I have an actual time to arrive and everything - boy did that make all of this feel very real!! It is hard to believe how little time we have left, I am very ready. My contractions send this ripple of fear through me every time and I can't seem to accept that it is OK to contract right now, I still have that horrible fear that it will lead to the events it lead to last time. I just keep telling myself I am just about 36 weeks, how amazing! I originally bargained for 32 weeks so look how awesome we are doing!! I just keep asking God to fill my heart with so much peace and not so much fear.
Anyways, that is all I have to report today, I am laying here with my feet up and my body is screaming thank you! I have hardly sat down this entire week, I did enjoy the freedom! I see Dr. Grogan Wednesday and the doctors appointments are officially over with!! I am happy it is a holiday week coming up and we are so busy with fun and relaxing things. I am looking forward to seeing family and spending time with family. I will keep everyone updated as promised!
Katie

For all my blogger friends...

2008-11-19T12:16:00.000-08:00

I am sorry I waited so long between updates last time...sometimes I feel like I write too much on here, I forget how many amazing friends and family are on pins and needles with us during this journey. I will update at least every other day from now till the baby is here...which isn't much longer!
I am doing great, I have been going non-stop for days and I feel so good. I am definitely tired, big, uncomfortable and all that fun stuff that comes with being so pregnant (especially with this God awful cerclage in) but I can't complain, in fact, I am LOVING every moment of it all. I am getting really excited for next week and all the fun things we have planned. I am actually really hoping the baby stays put till the induction so that we can get through Thanksgiving. Jeff's aunt and uncle and grandma come in town next week and it has been over a year since we have seen them. It will be a busy but fun week/week-end!
I decided at this point in our journey I would share my very real emotions with all of you over the last few days of my pregnancy. I have been very emotional (imagine that, a pregnant woman emotional) over the past few weeks for so many reasons. Mostly though, I have been really taking the time to soak in all that has happened in our lives over the past four and a half years and especially over the past year, to reflect and pray over all that Jeff and I have been through together. I am a crazy person when it comes to keeping journals and I have written to Katelyn almost every day since we found out Tammie was pregnant, just as I have written to this baby since we found out I was pregnant. The other night Jeff and I took some time to read the exact date one year ago in Kate's journal and it was amazing. I am very real in my children's journals, nothing is sugar coated and emotions are raw, it is my way of letting them see their mother's true heart. It was amazing to read about this time last year and to see how much things have changed, how much God has blessed us, how much Jeff and I have grown as a couple and as individuals. Even if you read back to November 21st of 07 on this blog you will be amazed. Last year we struggled so hard to get through Thanksgiving, to be thankful in the midst of such a tremendous loss. The actual Thanksgiving day was one of the hardest days I had in recovering from losing my girls, I had it out with God on my closet floor and didn't know if I would honestly be able to get up and carry on. The weeks and months that followed were such an anxious time for me as I had so much fear that that was my only shot at being pregnant and that our journey was going to end with such a horrendous experience. To see how God has answered our prayers, comforted us, loved on us and walked with us through the hardest of times is amazing! I have laid awake many hours of almost every night over the past week or so...not so much because I am uncomfortable but because there is a lot of emotion attached with the upcoming delivery of this baby. The excitement is beyond words but the fear is also there it is somewhat looming over me that my last/only experience with a delivery was so unbelievably awful and so completely out of my control. I am trying to shift my focus to remember how incredible Kate's birth was, how amazing that day was and how much happiness was surrounding us - that is what I am dreaming and praying for in this experience. I want Jeff and I to enter delivery day with excitement and not with our hearts full of fear. I pray that we are able to enjoy every moment and remember the girls but not connect these experiences, if that makes any sense. SO that is where I am today, where my heart is and what is on my mind during these exciting last few days of pregnancy.
I will update again on Friday (every other day as so many have requested) and I should have some great updates after my final real doctors appointment with Dr. K!!!!

35 weeks!!

2008-11-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

35 weeks and I couldn't be more excited, in fact I am so excited I can't even sleep...last night I laid awake wondering who was in there, when he/she would come and imagining the amazing moment when Jeff and I truly know the baby is here and OK! I am still completely overwhelmed with emotions as the birth of this baby means SO much for Jeff and me and what we have been through together...as well as our whole family/friends who have taken this ride with us. For the record I still have NO feeling if I think it is Blake or Kinsley in there! I had a great appointment with Dr. Grogan on Friday, I am still measuring three weeks ahead and the baby had a nice strong heart beat. I will see Dr. Korotkin on Friday and everything will be scheduled for the removal of the cerclage and the induction. I am anxious to see him and discuss the removal as well as do one last thorough check of the baby. I do think I will make it till my induction date, I asked Dr. Grogan if she thought I was going to make it and she wouldn't answer me, all she said was that she was on call the week-end of Thanksgiving so I know she is there if we go early at that point! I think Kate is getting excited and I think she is understanding that something is about to change. She has been such a mommy's girl lately and has been a little clingy. I am trying to enjoy this next week with her while it is still just her and I here all day. I know everyone does it but I feel anxious about bringing a baby home and rocking her world...this week-end Jeff and I are going to take her to Build a Bear to make a bear for her and the baby. I think she will love it and I think she will love the time alone with us before the chaos begins! Other than that, I never believed it when people said they were nesting, I thought it was just a term for getting ready...little did I know. I cannot stop cleaning out things around here. I think my motivation is increased because I have been laid up for so long. My closet has never been so clean, actually I don't know if our home has ever been so organized...I think Jeff wants me to have the baby before I throw anything else away. On the flip side, I feel totally unorganized/prepared for the baby...when you don't know what you are having it is very hard to be prepared. We went to buy the baby some clothes yesterday and stood there staring at all the clothes...we left with nothing. It is hard to even focus because I truly don't feel more girl or boy. I have enough for the start and we will go from there!
I will definitely update on Friday after we see Dr. K for the final appointment. 16 days and counting...

Updates

2008-11-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

Before I get started I had to share this picture, now I wish I had been in the picture too but it was a moment for just our little family. I thought Kate was going to cry about the balloons going into the sky and instead she lets go of them and says "Happy Birthday Sissys", it was the sweetest moment of the entire day! Thanks to everyone for the love, support, comments, emails and notes on the girls birthdays, it was an emotional but wonderful day filled with memories of the happiness the girls have brought to our lives. Thank you all for remembering our daughters and for allowing their memories to live in your hearts.

It took me awhile to want to update on here because I felt like my letter to my girls needed to be the topic last week, it was really all that was on my mind and heart. However, I had a great doctors appointment on Friday and it rejuvenated me, lifted my spirits and filled my heart with so much hope and excitement for the future, especially these next few weeks. The appointment was with Dr. Korotkin and I have officially graduated from my cervical measurements!! 34 weeks is when they stop measuring the cervix by internal ultra sound. My last measurement was a perfect 3.3! Now they will just check the baby and one more internal to make sure he knows where the cerclage is located for removal. The baby looked perfect and we got some peeks through 4D ultra sound, the baby had his/her hands over his/her face the whole time but we did see a good shot of the chubbiest cheek I have ever seen! Now for the funniest/best part, the baby measured at 6lbs, 4oz and 19 days ahead of where I am!! Please note that Katelyn was 6lbs 9 oz when she was born, 6lbs even when she was brought home - to imagine a baby that size in me already is amazing. No wonder because my stomach is getting HUGE! My stomach measurements have caught up from the outside too. I wanted to stop the contraction medicine (the oral meds) but Dr. K said to start cutting the dose back and see how the week goes, I will check with Dr. Grogan Friday but hope to stop those Friday and the shots sometime the week after. I was taken off all restrictions (within reason, I can't go jogging or anything). I feel like a new person and have been getting so much done around here. We also were able to discuss the plan and dates. It looks like my cerclage will be removed on Tuesday December 2nd and the baby will be born Wednesday December 3rd (unless it comes immediately after removing the cerclage) but I hope to make it to Wednesday when Dr. Grogan is at the hospital. Dr. K will remove the cerclage before he leaves Northside for the day on Tuesday the 2nd so later in the day. It sounds like I will get an epidural Tuesday for the removal and they will start it back up Wednesday for the delivery. I can hardly believe that three weeks from Wednesday I will be holding this little angel in my arms!!!!!!!!!!!! It truly seems unreal to me that there is an end in sight, a date, a promise that this is going to happen. Even better, I know if I went into labor today, tomorrow or before December 2nd, the baby will be OK and will come home to live with us. I suddenly feel so free of fear, uncertainty, and desperation to make it another day - I just feel excited, happy and content with where I am right now. I went to a wedding last night, like a normal person all big and pregnant...I felt such an overwhelming need to thank God for where I was in the moment. I have spent so many years watching my sisters, sister-in-laws, friends, strangers and everyone around me experiencing pregnancy, all I could ever do was wonder what it truly felt like to have a baby living in you. I envied everyone, I never dreamed I would ever get to experience that and last night I realized I am the one experiencing it all and finally with all the joy and excitement that everyone else experiences. I cannot miss another moment not enjoying where I am today, it is such an incredible blessing and I am so happy I can enjoy it now for these last few weeks. I am huge, I have gained a ridiculous amount of weight, my sisters laugh when they see me and I don't care, I am in love with it all! No more what if this happens...now I am just wondering who is in my belly and who he/she will look like, act like and be like. I can't even imagine the day I can deliver this baby and Jeff and I can experience what we have worked so unbelievably hard for over the past four and a half years. It is going to be one incredible day in our lives, the most amazing day next to Katelyn's birth. We will finally meet this baby and know that all is OK and this journey is completely over for us! Anyways, those are my thoughts today...in this moment of complete peace and happiness!

The countdown has truly begun...24 days and counting!

Here are the latest belly shots - me 34 weeks pregnant, the baby thinking it is 37 weeks along!

Happy Birthday to my angels!

2008-11-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Emma, Kelsey and Lauren,

My sweet angel babies...my girlies...how I pray that you are having fun in heaven, sticking together and taking care of each other. There are no words that I can write tonight that will express how much I love you, miss you and wish you were here in my arms. I wish with all my heart that tomorrow we were together celebrating your first birthdays. I would have picked out the perfect cakes with splashes of pink, green and lavender, the best presents for each of you, and I know we would have all our friends and family over to celebrate. I have imagined, dreamed and pondered what kind of a birthday celebration I would have had for you three. Instead of that planning being a reality, I have spent the past few weeks leading up to this week and tomorrow worrying over the right way to spend the day - how to honor you, celebrate you and mourn your losses all at the same time. I am overwhelmed this week with the memories of the 48 hours we spent leading up to your birth as well as your birth and the days that followed. I remember this specific day, November 5th of last year so vividly. I remember the exact moment when they told your daddy and I we would have to deliver you. I remember watching your daddy hit the floor and laying there in the most helpless devastation I have ever experienced. I remember spending the entire night awake, afraid if I closed my eyes for a moment, I would miss the last moments I had with you all healthy and strong in my tummy. Our family members took turns staying awake with me, letting me cry, hurt, smile at your movements and beg God for a miracle. I so distinctly remember what each of your movements felt like as I made myself lock those memories into my heart forever. I struggle with remembering how long you all lived, how long your hearts beat, even if your daddy tells me it was a few hours, to me it felt like a combination of the breifest moment and a lifetime, how could those short hours feel like you were always with me. You are my daughters and have filled my heart the same as Katelyn has. I remember your sweet cry Emma as if I heard it just 3 minutes ago. My heart still has so desperately longed to change the outcome of last November 5th and 6th..I have pleaded with God to wake up and have you three here with us, I have begged him to change everything, I have bargained with him, cried to Him and ultimately given it over to Him, for some reason He needed you three in heaven more then we selfishly needed you here with us. Your sweet cousins often ask me why you three had to go to heaven, I tell them with so much confidence that Jesus needed you to be his angels. I hear them playing with their baby dolls who they have named Emma, Kelsey and Lauren, you three will never be forgotten in our family...we will forever remember and cherish your too short but sweet time here with us.

The past year has been the hardest and most amazing year of my life, I should say of both your daddy and my life. When you experience a tragedy as horrific as we did, you go through such an incredible array of emotions - an intense anger, a sadness deeper than words, denial, fear, loss of control - everything. Our faith in God has been tested and has grown beyond words, our relationship as husband and wife has grown stronger than I ever thought possible, our life feels so much richer because we are so aware of how precious each moment truly is. Experiencing the loss of you three girls showed us how fast life can change, how blessed we are to have the daughter and life that we have. We have learned to trust in God in a way that we have never before - for God knows the plans he has for us - we are not in control. I am still trying to see God's plan in everything and while I will never understand completely why He took you girls away so soon, I am understanding that there is a reason this new baby is supposed to be in our lives - not to replace you three by any means but a sweet and incredible blessing, a sweet gift for the loss we continue to feel each moment of each day. I know that this baby has three angels watching over him/her, I know Kate has three angels watching over her, I know that we all have three angels waiting for us in heaven. How complete my heart will be when I can hold all of my babies in my arms at one time, I will continue to dream of that moment. Your daddy and I are preparing for your brother or sisters arrival in a few short weeks, we are filled with anxiety and emotions of having this delivery after your deliveries. I know that each of you will be watching over us, meeting your new brother or sister and making sure that all goes well. How I wish you were going to be home when we brought the baby home, how I wish you were all here to celebrate the exciting days ahead. I pray that you will share in our happiness from heaven and know that not a moment will pass that you won't be in our hearts and on our minds. We love you sweet girlies with every ounce of our hearts and souls...we think of you all each day, we dream of what you would be like this year at your one year old birthdays. We are proud of you, your lives have impacted so many people, your story has been shared with many others and it gives me peace when I hear of another baby gone too soon to know that you three are meeting them at heavens door.

Your daddy and I will be sending you three balloons tomorrow night to celebrate your birthday, there is one for each of you. Know how much we wish we could be together, holding you and loving on you.

We love you our precious angels, Happy Birthday!

Playdate

2008-11-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

Katelyn had a fun playdate today with Wes Harrison (her future boyfriend). The two of them played so well together today and wore each other out!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T07:12:00.000-07:00

Here are some adorable pre - Halloween pictures!

Jenna, Kate and Ellie ready for the fall festival at school this morning

no costumes just western day!

Nana made these adorable purple butterfly outfits for Kate and Haley!

We celebrated together last week-end before the girls had time to destroy the outfits!

A little love with mommy

Aren't I cute?

Posing for the camera!

Happy Halloween everyone, have a fun night and be safe!

32 weeks!

2008-10-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

We have wanted it to be the last Monday in October since the day we found out I was pregnant, I knew if I could make it to 32 weeks the baby would be OK! Well here we are and I feel great! I am so excited to be here and finally feel a complete peace about this baby! I feel so confident we will make it now! Here is my latest belly shot from 32 weeks with a giant in my tummy!

I still have no sure feeling if it is a boy or a girl in there, my thoughts change every week. Obviously we don't care either way, I would love for Kate to have a sister and I would love to experience a boy...whatever is meant to be. Jeff feels pretty certain it is another girl. I am just getting so excited to know who is in there...I thought I could share the names Jeff and I have picked out for the baby since we are getting so close. The middle name will be the same for either sex as we have decided to use the first letter of each of the triplets names so the middle name will be Kel (Kelsey, Emma and Lauren). We love the meaning and that this baby can use the name from his/her sisters. If it is a girl we have chosen Kinsley Kel and if it is a boy it will be Blake Kel! I love them both and can't wait to find out which one we will be using! Not too much longer now.

Happy Monday!

Yeah!! Is this for real???

2008-10-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

That was all I could say in response to my appointment today...

I wish I could gather all of you who have prayed, supported, laughed, worried and faced this journey with me, into my living room to tell you in person what today's appointment was like for me. I was scared today and was fully prepared for things to have changed for the worse (I don't know why, I am neurotic right now). I kept praying all week that the baby was still big today and measuring ahead, I just knew the size would only help the baby if born early. Well, well, well...the wonderful tech doing my ultra sound gets done measuring the baby and says "wait that can't be right, I have to redo this", my eyes are searching the screen and I am like "what, is it OK" and she says "yes but I just got 5lbs 5 oz and there is no way the baby is that big, let me do this again", she proceeds to remeasure everything and goes "OK you have a huge baby, the baby was 5lbs 2 oz and measuring 35 weeks and 2 days"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is laughing and my mother and I are too, I am thinking well this is good, the bigger the better. Then she goes to measure my cervix and the first number I see is 4.2 and then she does it again and I see 3.8 and she measures again and it is 3.8 and she goes "wow this is wonderful, you look perfect" I was like wait, I was 2.8 last week, how is that possible and she said oh it can regain it's length and it did, it is apparently a muscle that can fluctuate. She leaves to get Dr. K and I feel like I am in the twilight zone, he walks in somewhat laughing and says "Katie, Katie, Katie, I told you everything was going to be OK" then he proceeds to tell me that the baby is apparently taking ALL of my nutrients, - side note here - I haven't gained 1 pound in 5 weeks so it isn't like I am a caboose here and actually I have really leveled out to be on track for what they like you to gain - Dr. K said I am going to need you to start getting up more in the mornings and walking around (not exercising but getting up and about), apparently the bed rest is giving the baby more than it needs of my nutrition. He was laughing about this and I am thinking, thank God I am not going to term or no way am I delivering without a c-section. He said everything looks great and he wants me to be up more in the mornings and laying down in the afternoon and pretty much taking it easy in the evenings. He said in two weeks I can do WHATEVER I want!!!!!!! I honestly felt like I had an out of body experience and like I was listening to him talk to someone else. I have never been so relieved in my whole entire life. All of the sudden I truly feel it is all going to be OK and we are going to make it close if not all the way to full term with this baby! I am so excited to be able to really enjoy the end of this pregnancy and to be able to not just lay here for 5 more weeks, I was so sad to feel like I couldn't get up and enjoy the rest of this time, I would have done it but I would much rather feel a a little more normal! SO can you even believe it, what an incredible way to end the week! Jeff and I are having a date tonight to celebrate 32 weeks, an awesome appointment and to finally get out of the house!!
Thank you all for the prayers...they are all being answered!

Entertaining Kate on bed rest

2008-10-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

We have been very busy entertaining Kate while I have been laying around. Here are some cute pictures, Jeff was being a good sport and letting her dress him up in her crown, necklaces and fake finger nails (too bad I didn't get a shot of his hands).

Kate's new favorite thing is to decorate my belly (or share her stickers with the baby)! I think it is so sweet, each time she put a sticker on me she said "here you go baby"

Things are going well here, we have had a ton of help with Katelyn during the week, thanks to our wonderful families! I have increased my medicine and am doing well. Another week is passing by...keep those weeks going!

The Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-18T16:51:00.001-07:00

We had so much fun at the Pumpkin Patch, I am so happy we went while I was still able to go. We got some great pictures and Katelyn and Haley had so much fun together.

A good update!

2008-10-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has taken me a few days to update things, I wanted to wait till my appointment with Dr. K this morning.To tell you I have been a little on edge lately would be an understatement. I have nothing to compare this experience with except the end of my pregnancy with the triplets. Not only does this all remind me too much of that time, it is the same time of the year as we are nearing the one year birthday of our girls. When I went into the hospital with the triplets at 20 weeks for my contractions, I was in much better shape than I was on Sunday. My contractions weren't as strong and my cervix was longer (3.5). When they sent me home on the meds (the same one's i am on now) I felt great and thought everything was so fine and under control as everyone kept telling me. Two weeks later I was no longer pregnant so you can all see where this all makes me a little anxious. I know, the situations are totally different and I am so much further along but I am scared nonetheless. I did end up coming home on Tuesday afternoon, thank goodness. My contractions are totally under control right now and have gone back to the good old braxton hicks which I can totally handle. The new medicine is keeping things quiet and honestly contraction wise I feel better than I have in weeks. My cervix measurements today were 2.8, 2.8 and one 3.0 so I will think of the 3.0 and be content. Dr. K decided to examine me as well since the midwife claimed my cervix was soft, he didn't feel it was soft at all and told me things felt very good!!! He told me they don't like to see the cervix below 2.5 so we are still good and as long as my contractions are controlled it really shouldn't change. Last Friday to Sunday it did go down so thank goodness we went in and the doctors were so aggressive in stopping everything. I still have a little room to increase the meds I am on so that makes me feel really good too, he said if things pick back up to increase everything, I have 5 more weeks on the meds than I am on my own!! NO MORE SHOTS EVER!!! He also said I could be up a little bit during the day which is much better than being flat on my side all day. He said I couldn't really do anything but it would be OK to be up at home a little in the morning time and off my feet all afternoon/evening. With my cervix as low as it is, we are not going to push anything right now, not till I get much further along. I think I will be resting here but at least I feel like I can be up some of the day to help with Kate and play with her. Dr. K did tell me it was going to be very hard to get my stitches out, he said he wanted to warn Jeff and I that it was going to be awful and he was going to have to do a strong epidural, he had told me about the epidural but he hadn't told me how awful it was going to be, I guess I appreciate his honesty. He said the stitch is way up in my cervix and has embedded itself in there - lovely. I asked him if I made it if we could try and do it as late as possible, he has always said 37 to 38 weeks but today he said if I can make it we can do it in my 38th week if things are going OK. I have heard so many horror stories lately about people getting induced too early and I DON'T want that at all. Trust me I already am as over it as anyone else but I don't want any chance of the baby not being ready to come out. I don't know what my body will do when I stop all the meds so I may not make it that far but that is what I am hoping for, that will be the second week in December - my hope is sometime the week of the 8th. I imagine they will give me a date pretty soon since we have to schedule both doctors to be there, only 7 and a half weeks!!!!!!!!!! I can't even believe how close we are to closing this chapter in our lives - to tell you we are more than ready is an understatement! It is time for our lives to move on with our little blessings.
Kate is doing awesome, she hasn't missed a beat this week. She has loved all the action, the on the go with different family members and even has snuggled up with me on many occasions. She has been so sweet and doesn't seem affected at all by all of this, I pray it continues that way and that all this passes quickly so I don't have to have help with her anymore!
I have some great pictures from the pumpkin patch last week-end so I will post those soon. Yes I know it probably wasn't a good idea to visit the pumpkin patch in my condition but I am pretty sure I learned my lesson:)!
Katie

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2008-10-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Please take a moment today to remember not only our sweet Emma, Kelsey and Lauren but all the other babies that are lost each year. It is so sad to know that so many families have to experience the loss of their child and no matter how short their lives are, the loss felt is larger than life itself and will never be forgotten. Remember even though our babies aren't here with us, they are our children and will forever be loved and missed!

I love you my sweet angels and celebrate your lives today and every day!