Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The most beautiful sound ever...

I can't really put into words just how nervous I was about this ultra sound today...for several reasons. This exact ultra sound last pregnancy revealed we were not actually having twins but triplets, I will never forget the ultra sound lady (now my favorite ultra sound tech in the world) saying "Sweet Mother of Pearl, there is a third one", I sobbed so hard that I don't even remember seeing my triplets hearts beating for the first time. Secondly, it is always scary that there may not be a heart beat...but today everything was PERFECT! There is one perfect little bean in there and there was a strong solid heartbeat, we even heard the heartbeat and it is by far the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I still have a Doppler piece that had recorded Katelyn's heartbeat when Tammie carried her and sometimes I play it over and over just to remember (that is how I bonded with Katelyn in utero). Now that I know what we are dealing with, I have an amazing story to share (well i think it is amazing). As many of you know, the hardest decision that Jeff and I had to face was how many embryos to transfer back at the transfer. When we lost the triplets, the high risk and Dr. G suggested having a single embryo transfer, in fairness there is a lot of competition between the "regular" doctors and the IVF doctors. Keep in mind Jeff and I had been through 4 rounds of IVF prior to getting pregnant with the triplets and not ONE time did I get pregnant. At one transfer we even put 4 perfect, grade A embryos back and nothing needless to say I was not a good candidate for a single embryo transfer. When we did the surrogacy with my two sisters we put one embryo in one sister and two in another (3 total) and it resulted in one baby. Now with the triplets we put back three but technically only two implanted and one split. Anyways, when we met with Dr. M (IVF doc), we expressed our concern about a single embryo transfer, well I expressed my concern, Jeff was more adamant that we were not transferring more than one - period. Dr. M really encouraged us to transfer two and said that she doesn't want to see us going through this over and over and she knew we were done after this. We all agreed on transferring two embryos. A week before my transfer, I freaked out about the transfer, I had completely made my decision that I could NOT do this again, no matter what. At our last appointment with Dr. M prior to my transfer I warned Jeff that i wanted to ask her about thawing all three blasts out, I told Jeff I only wanted to do this because we had three blasts and 9 day 1 embryos. I knew that we would never come back and thaw one blasts so I thought let's thaw all three and pick the best two. That appointment Dr. M got called into something and couldn't meet with us, I told her to call me at home. When she called Jeff and I made the decision on our own - to thaw all three and pray like heck that God would show us the obvious two to put back. The day of my transfer, Jeff and I got settled in the room and they turn on the screen with our embryos. Being the pros that we are at this point we immediately knew all three looked perfect. I silently wondered how will we ever choose but I knew the embryologist would tell us which two to pick. I look at Jeff and he is ready to talk, he immediately tells me that we are putting all three back. I think he has lost his mind and my heart is racing but at the moment, in the moment all I can focus on is getting pregnant, not the long run. Jeff has clearly thought this out before we arrive and he proceeds to tell me that this is it, we have both agreed on that. He tells me that we have to walk out of there with no regrets and if I don't get pregnant we can't spend the rest of the time wondering what if we had put that last one back, would it have been the one? I was scared to death. I said to him "what will people think of this Jeff, that we are crazy" he looks at me and said "Katie nobody has walked in our shoes, nobody has been through what we have been through, nobody has a right to judge what we decide to do, our goal today is to get pregnant". I thought wow he is right, completely right. After talking with the embryologist he even agreed we shouldn't leave one behind at this point. I was so nervous through the whole transfer, it was so emotional putting three back and thinking of my three angels. Over and over I prayed for God to watch out for us, to please pick the best, strongest little baby and let that baby thrive in me. I couldn't even tell anyone how many we put back so I am sorry to all that we weren't honest with but this was our personal thing and we had to get through this on our own. But now I think, WOW how amazing is God. I completely think God had his hand on Jeff leading him to encourage all three to go back...what if this sweet baby is the one we would have left behind. We went with our hearts and made the decision that was best for us, we were scared to death but we put our faith in God's ultimate plan - today I understand why we did that. We now are pregnant with ONE beautiful healthy baby and we can only pray that God and our three angels will look out for him/her for the rest of the time. Amazing!

Anyways, I am feeling pretty good overall. I have been pretty sick to my stomach and exhausted but I love it, bring on the sickness and symptoms. I know things are early but I am choosing to enjoy each moment of this, all I can do it take care of myself and pray this baby is supposed to be in our lives come December. Actually December 22 (a wonderful Christmas present)!!

I can't close without telling everyone how amazing Katelyn is doing. She is the complete love of my life right now. I can't get over how much she is talking, she is putting sentences together and is blowing me away. I will post some adorable new pictures of her later this week.

Thank you all for sharing this incredible journey with us, it isn't always an easy ride but it is so worth it all.

Katie

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

Congratulations Katie! I was nervous for you and Jeff, but praying that you would hear that wonderful sound, the heartbeat.... I pray that God looks over you during these upcoming months and that you have a healthy baby.

And a December baby, what a great Christmas gift! Ansley arrived the day after Christmas and it was the most amazing gift ever!

Congrats again :)

lisakanesanders said...

A baby's heartbeat is the best sound in the whole world! I am so happy for you and Jeff. See you tonight!

Kelly & Brent said...

What wonderful news Katie! I can imagine that you guys were very nervous about your appointment but once you hear that heart beat, everything sort of just falls into place.

Take care of yourself in the coming months. As you know a toddler is a hand full and is exhausting. Can't wait to continue to hear the updates on baby Gordon. December will be here before you know it!

Congrats again!

Chris said...

Congrats on the wonderful news! I think that is an amazing story and you have a very smart and caring hubby. But I don't need to tell you that! Take care of yourself and keep us posted! Can't wait to find out if it's a little brother or a little sister~

The Partins said...

The only time I cried during my pregnancy was when I heard Jamie's heartbeat. Daryl and I both cried like little girls but there is nothing more wonderful than that sound.

Congrats!

Lisa said...

Katie,
I come back from time to time to read your blog and see how you are doing. I am so happy for you. Please take care and relax. You have been blessed and will have a wonderful Christmas this year. You all deserve it.

Lisa Share

Bethany said...

Katie,

Congratulations!! God is absolutely amazing, and His hand will guide you through this. You're absolutely right to enjoy every moment - even the icky moments! They are all precious. Our family is praying for yours, and thank you so much for sharing such a personal story!!!