Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I have been wanting to post here for the past couple days but I wasn't really in the mood. Today I am feeling better though. It is strange now that I am no longer pregnant that life has to go on...I had just cleared my life and calendar for the next several years. Before getting pregnant, I had the perfect situation worked out. I was keeping a little boy three days a week and was going to be adding a baby this past fall, however I gave all that up. I so enjoy keeping children with Kate, it is fulfilling to me and gives me something to do. Now I am at a loss for what to do with all my spare time. I finally decided today to post on my neighborhood website and see if anyone is looking for childcare, I think it would feel good to get back to doing what I was doing before all of this started. I think it will make life feel normal again, a new normal that is.

Yesterday was 4 weeks, technically a month tomorrow since the girls were born. I didn't realize till recently how out of it I was those first few days/weeks. I feel more clear headed and organized in my life today and that is making things much better. I am working out again and trying to get my prepregnancy body back. I wouldn't care so much about all this extra weight if I had something to show for it but it seems like a cruel joke and reminder every time I get dressed - nothing fits the way it used to. As I have been out and about a little more and have started seeing more people, I am amazed at the things people ask me and the things people don't understand...but I don't know if I would understand either - for those who are wondering (it is better you read it here then to ask me) - yes I delivered all three of my babies (no c-section) and yes Emma, Kelsey and Lauren were all born alive. They did not try and save them because it was way too early for triplets. Yes some babies (singletons) can survive that early but for triplets it was more like a singleton at 19 weeks. Believe me when I tell you that our families talked to the doctor and made sure that everything was done that could be done! The girls did not struggle, their hearts stopped beating in our arms and very peacefully. I know some of you might not want to know all the details but there are a lot of people who ask me and I would rather people just know. I think it is a good learning experience for those of you who may know someone later in your life who experiences this sort of ordeal (although I pray you don't). I am overwhelmed by the number of people on my online support group who have experienced this - it is a horrific thing for anyone to have to go through. Anyways, I think it helps for people to be clear about what happened and not wonder - that is why I am sharing my journey with you all.
I feel like I am going to be ready to get the Christmas stuff out this week-end, it is time to get in the spirit. I went and bought Katelyn some things this morning and it made me excited for Christmas morning. We are going to take Katelyn to see Santa with our families this year so that will be fun! I even took Kate's picture last week-end and worked on Christmas cards...I wasn't going to send them out but I am proud of myself for getting it together. I am healing and it is getting better each day - time, friends and family are the key to healing from all of this. I am not superwoman and some days are harder then others but we are doing pretty good. I try not to stress about where we go from here, it is too early to make those decisions. I see Dr. Grogan Monday and I think I meet with her and Dr. Korotkin (the high risk) on Wednesday so that will offer us a lot of closure.
That's all for today, I hope everyone is doing well.
Katie

6 comments:

Kelly & Brent said...

Hi Katie,
Erin Harrison brought me to your blog and I have been following your journey for about two months now. I first just want to say how very sorry I am for you and Jeff. You are such a strong person! Please know that there are many people out there who are here for you.

Katelyn is a beaufitul little girl and I am so happy you have her to be with on a daily basis. Erin just told me that Katelyn and my daughter, Madison, are only days apart. So fun! If you are for it I would love to have a playdate with you and Erin (and of course the kids) :)

Thinking about you always!

~Kelly Willson Wardrop

katie said...

God's got you. girl. Holding you close. :)

Bethany said...

Katie,

I haven't posted in a while, but wanted you to know that my family and I have been praying for you daily. In fact, our congregation has also had your in our prayers. I happen to have a good friend who's looking for someon to keep her kids. If you're interested, just email me. bethanyg@delaneyinc.com.

You said in your blog that you're not superwoman, but girl, God has given you some super human strength. It may be hard for you to see, but you are an example to so many on how God can give you strength in even the most tragic moments.

Still praying,

Bethany

christiking said...

Hi,

I know you don't know me, but I saw your blog linked to my friend Christina's blog (The Bresnans Blog). I did a lot of blog reading while I was sitting with my dad in the hospital over these past few months.

I am beyond terribly sorry for your loss and cannot begin to comprehend it. I have no words to offer that could help, but I did want to tell you how strong you are and how much you have touched me through your words and your journey.

My own sweet father past away at 60 years young early Monday morning and we just buried him yesterday. He is the grandpa of my 13 month old son that absolutely adored him. My dad was the best grandpa ever! I want you to know something that hopefully tells you how much your story touched me. We had a chance to hold dad's hands and speak to him as he crossed into Glory. I told him that there are so many little ones in Heaven that need a grandpa to rock them and play with them. I specifically told about your three angels and named them one by one to him so that he'd know how to find them. He'll treat them like queens..I just know it! We actually picked his plot out next to the walk of angels where the infants are laid to rest in the same cemetary...that's how much we associate him with the younger ones and how special they are to him.

Blessing and peace to your family.

Sincerely,
Christi King
Duluth, GA

Lisa and William said...

Katie,
Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you every day. I think about you often and wish I had the right words to say. I have always felt a connection to you since we first emailed.

You are really strong and amazing. I know you don't feel it now and will probably never realize how strong you are.

Please give your daughter a hug and you can survive the holiday season.

Lisa Share

godawgs27 said...

Katie,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us... I know it must be so hard, yet therapeutic at the same time. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and here for you! :) Hugs and kisses, Erin