Wednesday, November 19, 2008

For all my blogger friends...

I am sorry I waited so long between updates last time...sometimes I feel like I write too much on here, I forget how many amazing friends and family are on pins and needles with us during this journey. I will update at least every other day from now till the baby is here...which isn't much longer!
I am doing great, I have been going non-stop for days and I feel so good. I am definitely tired, big, uncomfortable and all that fun stuff that comes with being so pregnant (especially with this God awful cerclage in) but I can't complain, in fact, I am LOVING every moment of it all. I am getting really excited for next week and all the fun things we have planned. I am actually really hoping the baby stays put till the induction so that we can get through Thanksgiving. Jeff's aunt and uncle and grandma come in town next week and it has been over a year since we have seen them. It will be a busy but fun week/week-end!
I decided at this point in our journey I would share my very real emotions with all of you over the last few days of my pregnancy. I have been very emotional (imagine that, a pregnant woman emotional) over the past few weeks for so many reasons. Mostly though, I have been really taking the time to soak in all that has happened in our lives over the past four and a half years and especially over the past year, to reflect and pray over all that Jeff and I have been through together. I am a crazy person when it comes to keeping journals and I have written to Katelyn almost every day since we found out Tammie was pregnant, just as I have written to this baby since we found out I was pregnant. The other night Jeff and I took some time to read the exact date one year ago in Kate's journal and it was amazing. I am very real in my children's journals, nothing is sugar coated and emotions are raw, it is my way of letting them see their mother's true heart. It was amazing to read about this time last year and to see how much things have changed, how much God has blessed us, how much Jeff and I have grown as a couple and as individuals. Even if you read back to November 21st of 07 on this blog you will be amazed. Last year we struggled so hard to get through Thanksgiving, to be thankful in the midst of such a tremendous loss. The actual Thanksgiving day was one of the hardest days I had in recovering from losing my girls, I had it out with God on my closet floor and didn't know if I would honestly be able to get up and carry on. The weeks and months that followed were such an anxious time for me as I had so much fear that that was my only shot at being pregnant and that our journey was going to end with such a horrendous experience. To see how God has answered our prayers, comforted us, loved on us and walked with us through the hardest of times is amazing! I have laid awake many hours of almost every night over the past week or so...not so much because I am uncomfortable but because there is a lot of emotion attached with the upcoming delivery of this baby. The excitement is beyond words but the fear is also there it is somewhat looming over me that my last/only experience with a delivery was so unbelievably awful and so completely out of my control. I am trying to shift my focus to remember how incredible Kate's birth was, how amazing that day was and how much happiness was surrounding us - that is what I am dreaming and praying for in this experience. I want Jeff and I to enter delivery day with excitement and not with our hearts full of fear. I pray that we are able to enjoy every moment and remember the girls but not connect these experiences, if that makes any sense. SO that is where I am today, where my heart is and what is on my mind during these exciting last few days of pregnancy.
I will update again on Friday (every other day as so many have requested) and I should have some great updates after my final real doctors appointment with Dr. K!!!!


Kelly and Brent said...

I can't believe your due date is almost here. How exciting! I can't imagine all the emotions your are going through right now. You ARE an amazing person and bring strength and hope to SO many people. We can't wait to hear the exciting news of the delivery of baby Gordon. We are thinking about you constantly! Enjoy these last two weeks and I hope you have an AMAZING Thanksgiving.

p.s. Can't wait to hear what the doc says on Friday :)

The Partins said...

I don't want to seem pushy - but YAY on updates! ha-ha. We are all SOOOO excited for ya'll. I get tingly every time I read your blog knowing you are another moment closer to having your baby come home with you!

I'm with Kelly - can't wait for the doc update! Not many women can say they have a huge group of people interested in their measurements. ha-ha.

Ashly Tucker said...

I think I'm almost as excited as you are! Let us know if you need any help with d-day logistics:)

MBKimmy said...

I am so excited for all of you! try to relax and soak it all in! You will do great and so will the baby!